“Not long after my divorce in 2007, I found Anton through a dating site. We had both selected the ‘new friends’ option and that’s how we started talking. In terms of appearance we were not each other’s type. He liked small blonde women, and I was I was very fat at the time and had brown hair. I liked sturdy guys, while he was a thin guy.
But we clicked. Immediately. Our first date was immediately very nice, we had a lot of fun, loved the same series and games. In fact, love did arise. Two days later he slept with me and never left. Don’t regret it for a second.”
“I knew from an early age that it was difficult for me to have children and I was immediately open about it. Many dates fell through, but he dared to do it. I found that very warm and sweet. At the time we met I already have a foster daughter. After an intensive fertility process and a lost child, we decided to go all out for foster care. I stayed at home and he went to work. We were doing well.”
Better to leave it alone
“And yet six years ago we noticed that it would be better for us to leave than to live together. Our friendship and conviviality also became our pitfall. If you both like the same films and series, you will have finished Netflix in no time. We no longer challenged each other and missed the new impulses. If we were no longer at each other’s lips, things would hopefully get better.”
“There was hardly any intimacy, because Anton has a very low libido. I thought that was a shame, but not that bad. The rest is good enough, I told myself. We have been through a lot together, with foster children, but also in terms of health. I After a stomach reduction, I lost more than 80 kilos and went from size 64 to 44. An intensive process for both of us, in which it was nice to have my best friend by my side.”
South of France versus Ommen
“In the meantime, we continued to look for a suitable form for our relationship. We had more arguments, while that actually did not suit us at all. Finding a second home was not easy at this time, certainly not for the whole family. Ultimately, Anton found a house for him alone. I asked him what he expected from a relationship with me. This turned out to be the start of an exciting, but also very loving conversation about what we want in our lives.
We discovered that our expectations are no longer the same. Anton would like to have his own life back now that the children have grown up. Go to the south of France with the caravan and experience adventures. Wonderful for him, but not necessary for me. I prefer to just sit in Ommen. I prefer to sit at home on the couch with a book or do some craft work at the table. With the animals in the neighborhood and the children around the corner. And I want intimacy and he can’t offer that to me.”
“Last month we decided that divorce is the best option for us. With a good feeling, and a little sob. By divorce I can continue to live here with the animals and our 14-year-old foster daughter, and he can move to his own place.
Next week is the day and we are both looking forward to it. The tensions of unmet expectations are gone. Now that we have said that I will not travel with him and that he does not have to leave it for me either, there is a nice peace of mind.”
Best friends
“We both continue on our own, but with a smile. Because we have done it for so long and have remained interested in each other’s desires, we have managed well together. Without help. The mediator even laughed that she had never seen such a had a brief conversation with two people who want a divorce. We have thought of everything and that is nice.
We broke off our love affair, but not our bond. Anton remains my best friend. We could have managed it together quietly until we died, but then neither of us would have been happy.”
The names in this article are fictitious. Their real names are known to the editors.
Wanted: Love Lessons
For the Love Lessons section on RTL News Lifestyle we are looking for beautiful, vulnerable, funny, inspiring and honest love lessons. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with your hand in your own bosom. In the end, did you turn out to be the one with a fear of commitment? Should you never have emigrated for love or did a blended family prove to be an illusion after all? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you all about it. You can tell anonymously. Email to: hanneke.mijnster@rtl.nl.
2023-11-30 08:48:32
#Marie #continue #smile
