It was a quintessential Australian summer day. The weather was scorching,turning metal seat belt buckles into branding irons. The beach was packed, with surf crafts of every color imaginable scattered across the sand. One of the largest Surf Life Saving Carnivals of the season was in full swing, drawing crowds and competitors alike.
When they’re not rescuing swimmers from treacherous riptides like the infamous “backpackers express” on Bondi Rescue, Australia’s surf lifesavers host competitions. From young “nippers” to seasoned Ironmen and Ironwomen, participants race in skills essential for saving lives—running, swimming, and paddling rescue boards through the pounding surf. For many Australian kids, it’s a rite of passage to brave the freezing waves and earn a ribbon. As I sat on my towel, enjoying a gelato, I couldn’t help but feel grateful for my Irish immigrant parents, who were blissfully unaware of such traditions.
“Would we put our kids in that?” my boyfriend asked, marveling at the 10-year-olds conquering waves we deemed too intimidating for a swim. It was an odd question, considering cats don’t usually swim. Nearby, a group of teenage girls, flushed from their race, ran into the arms of their proud fathers holding out Dryrobes. Watching them, I was reminded of my own childhood, dragging my parents across dusty sports fields. Just as I pulled out my phone to send them a thank-you text,I saw it.
The look. Not a proud or admiring glance,but a leer so filthy it would make you reach for hand sanitizer. It came from a man—over 40, with his wife or partner walking just behind him. A man who knew better. He shamelessly eyed the girls, clad in racing one-pieces, up and down. These girls weren’t even 15.Just kids. I knew their age from the announcer calling the “under-15s girls’ race” over the loudspeaker.
I did what any reasonable person would do—I caught his eye and made a face of utter disgust, as if I’d smelled a vicious fart and identified the culprit. He quickly retreated. I didn’t want to make a scene, hoping the girls hadn’t noticed. On that day, all they should have to worry about were their race times and whether they could have a sleepover with their friends. It’s the same prayer I have for my two teenage nieces: Please, let them be innocent just a little longer. let them go about their lives without being sexualized against their will.
Men had started noticing me before I even left primary school, and my mother noticed them.“She’s 11,” she hissed at a table of businessmen ogling my legs in my school skirt, staring them down until they looked away.She taught me a valuable lesson: You don’t have to be polite to men who make you feel uncomfortable. as an Irish tiger mammy, she made it clear it was never my fault—it was just that dirty old men existed.
Even then, I tried to rationalize it. By 14, I was nearly 6 feet tall—the height I am now. Maybe they mistook me for an adult. Maybe they didn’t know I was so young. But they did know, because almost every time I was catcalled to “show my tits” from passing cars, I was wearing my school uniform.
As comedian Tina Fey wrote in her autobiography, “Almost everyone first realized they were becoming a grown woman when some dude did something nasty to them.” it’s so easy not to do that as a grown man. I’ve seen it as I’ve grown up around good men. My father would suddenly find the ceiling cornices fascinating if my school friends passed by on their way to the pool. There are many good men, but that’s not the point. All it takes is one bad one—one look—to make a girl’s insides drop, to make her wrap a towel around herself, her face burning with embarrassment. Even though she’s done nothing wrong but exist.
| Key Takeaways |
|———————————————————————————–|
| Surf Life Saving Carnivals are a summer tradition in Australia, drawing crowds. |
| Teenage girls in racing one-pieces were subjected to inappropriate leers. |
| The author’s mother taught her to stand up to men who make her uncomfortable. |
| many women first realize they’re becoming adults when men act inappropriately. |
| Good men exist, but it only takes one bad one to leave a lasting impact. |
In a world where women often face inappropriate behavior from men, understanding how to respond and support one another is crucial. This interview with Dr. Sarah Collins, a leading psychologist specializing in gender dynamics and interpersonal behavior, explores the lasting impact of such experiences and the importance of empowerment. Drawing from personal stories and professional insights, we delve into how women can navigate these challenges and the role of good men in fostering a respectful society.
The Impact of Inappropriate Behavior on Young Women
Senior Editor: Dr. Collins, the article mentions that many women first realize they’re becoming adults when men act inappropriately. Can you elaborate on the psychological impact of such experiences?
Dr. Sarah Collins: Absolutely. These moments often serve as a harsh awakening for young women. When a man acts inappropriately, it forces them to confront their own vulnerability in a way that’s both shocking and deeply unsettling.For many, it’s the first time they realize that their bodies are being objectified, and it can leave a lasting impact on their self-esteem and sense of safety. This kind of behavior can lead to feelings of shame, confusion, and even guilt, even though the duty lies entirely with the perpetrator.
Teaching Young Girls to Stand Up for Themselves
Senior Editor: The author’s mother taught her to stand up to men who make her uncomfortable. How important is this kind of parental guidance in shaping how young girls respond to such situations?
Dr.Sarah Collins: Parental guidance, especially from mothers, is incredibly empowering. When a mother teaches her daughter to assert herself and not tolerate inappropriate behavior,it sends a powerful message: “You deserve respect,and it’s okay to demand it.” This kind of early education helps girls develop a strong sense of self-worth and the confidence to set boundaries. It’s not just about teaching them to react in the moment—it’s about equipping them with the tools to navigate a world where such behavior,unfortunately,exists.
The Role of Good Men in Combating Inappropriate Behavior
Senior Editor: The article also highlights that good men exist, but it only takes one bad one to leave a lasting impact. How can good men play a role in addressing this issue?
Dr. Sarah Collins: Good men have a critical role to play. They can model respectful behavior, call out inappropriate actions when they see them, and create safe spaces for women. It’s about actively challenging the attitudes and behaviors that perpetuate this kind of harm. When good men step up, it sends a clear message that such behavior is unacceptable. Additionally, they can support women by listening to their experiences and validating their feelings, which helps to counteract the isolating effects of these incidents.
Creating a Culture of Respect and Safety
Senior Editor: What steps can society take to create a culture where women feel safe and respected, especially in public spaces?
Dr. Sarah Collins: It starts with education—teaching boys and men about consent, respect, and the impact of their actions.We also need to normalize conversations about these issues, so women feel supported rather than silenced. Public awareness campaigns, workplace training, and community initiatives can all play a part. Ultimately, it’s about creating a cultural shift where inappropriate behavior is no longer tolerated, and women feel empowered to speak out without fear of judgment or retaliation.
Conclusion: Empowerment and Collective Responsibility
This interview with Dr. Sarah Collins underscores the importance of empowerment, education, and collective responsibility in addressing inappropriate behavior. By teaching young girls to stand up for themselves, encouraging good men to take action, and fostering a culture of respect, we can work towards a society where women feel safe and valued. It’s a journey that requires effort from all of us, but the impact on individual lives and society as a whole is immeasurable.
