“The worst of the sadness is gone now, but I’m still grieving. The first few days after her phone call – ‘I don’t feel it anymore,’ she said and she was gone – I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t concentrate on my work and I kept thinking with questions and tears. I was devastated. And still.”
“After two long relationships, I was single for a year and a half, until this summer I matched a handsome curly haired woman on a dating app. Just before I went on holiday to Sweden with my son. That meant a lot of texting and waiting to meet up. We soon started dating. in-depth, open conversations, funny and light-hearted, sexting until the middle of the night. It was great.
After a few video calls I fell in love. I had never experienced this before. I wasn’t even nervous before our first meeting. I was especially looking forward to it. She already felt like my friend, even though we hadn’t met yet.”
Sultry vanilla sex
“The date was great and so were the months that followed. I did everything right. I was attentive, sweet, supportive, challenging, generous and exciting. And with success: she fell in love with me too. We danced in my kitchen, while she had a sang a song to me. We had a picnic on the banks of the Drecht.
We went out until early morning, filling ourselves up with booze and drugs. We dined in fantastic restaurants, marveled at art, enjoyed the best things life has to offer. I bought her a kimono, she bought me a funny kind of kitchen timer. We had sultry vanilla sex, but I was also allowed to tie her up and abuse her for my own pleasures. The sex just kept getting better.”
“We live half an hour’s drive away from each other and tried to spend as many moments together as possible. She tried to adapt her child-free weekend to mine. During a luxurious wellness weekend in Nijmegen, I introduced her to my friends, who were severely affected by the impression of her. I swelled with pride and felt like a huge stud when I walked down the street with her or saw the jealous looks of other guys.”
Love every detail
“I was crazy about her. She was gorgeous, funny, sarcastic and smart. She had beautiful curls, a petite body with small breasts. She had an exclusive, refined taste in clothes. I was entranced when I saw her, when she grinned at me.
I loved every detail: the way she picked her curls when she was tired, the way she chatted about work, the way she plopped down on my couch. I toiled for hours to have my house spotless when she came over.”
“She told me that she suffered from anxiety because of her past with bad men, and found it difficult to give in to her feelings. ‘That’s okay,’ I said, ‘we have the time.’ I checked everything with her, the dates and the friends visits and together we discussed that she would meet my children in January.”
Not challenging enough? Too sweet?
“But it didn’t come to that. After an intense and romantic weekend, her period did not come, despite her IUD. She withdrew, we hardly spoke to each other. Just like when we got into an argument after I criticized her.
A few days later she called and said that the possible pregnancy, which turned out not to be there, had made her think. After three months of swooning, she stopped feeling it, she said, and broke up with her. I was left astonished. What did I do wrong? Was I not challenging enough? Was I too nice? Was she too stressed and pushed away her crush? I wanted an explanation, but she doesn’t want any more contact.”
“Then I did something stupid. After calling and texting, to which I received no response, I approached her friends on social media, asking if they could talk to her. She found that threatening, and I understand that afterwards. well.
On Facebook I saw her with a group of friends and a handsome man at a festival, which made me think I had been traded. I then sent her something ugly, which is not nice of course. But apart from that, I’m just sad, angry and despondent.”
Missed all the red flags
“We made plans for December and January, we looked ahead together. I really thought three times was a charm and now she squeaks out without explanation. She broke my heart into a thousand pieces and offered no aftercare whatsoever.
I have read my diary, talked to friends and reflected and I am sure: I did nothing wrong. I gave her all my love, she could always complain to me and I was very protective. Apparently I fell in love with an illusion of her and not with who she really was. I missed all the red flags.”
The name Patrick is a fictitious name. His real name is known to the editors.
Wanted: Love Lessons
For the Love Lessons section on RTL News Lifestyle we are looking for beautiful, vulnerable, funny, inspiring and honest love lessons. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with your hand in your own bosom. In the end, did you turn out to be the one with a fear of commitment? Should you never have emigrated for love or did a blended family prove to be an illusion after all? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you all about it. You can tell anonymously. Email to: hanneke.mijnster@rtl.nl.
2023-11-15 12:49:26
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