YES! Laura Massa (the fan): “What has Cupid done to you, people?”
It’s easy to feel sorry for February 14th. That doesn’t bother me. The concept alone makes me go crazy. Come over here with those hearts!
All the criticism is true: Valentine’s Day is tacky, overblown, kitschy, commercial and yet the concept alone makes me happy every year. February 14, that day that is still stuck with its feet in winter, but with its crown already in soft spring feels like a breeze. The days are lengthening and the sun plays a shadow game with the strelitzias that overwinter indoors. Nothing is necessary.
Brussels chocolatiers go the extra mile to charm even the biggest haters of pink kitsch. And jewelers also do their best with stylized pendants. The coziest tables pass by on social media, full of candles and festive recipes to try. The pink ribbons, the heart-shaped pan, a wild bouquet, the extra glamor that lingerie brands now radiate: I think it’s all equally beautiful. But I notice resentment when I talk about it, even among people who are not in a toxic relationship. Why is Valentine’s Day hatred so deep? What has Cupid done to you, people?
Expensive lobster
Okay, the excess of tacky mailings and advertisements may be annoying. As a single person, you may be angry or sad and you may not find ‘Galentine’s day’ (celebrating with friends instead of a loved one, ed.) a viable alternative. That’s the great thing about Valentine’s Day: you can happily ignore the ‘party’. It is not a family celebration that you cannot avoid. So don’t feel obliged to do anything. No one tells you to buy that expensive perfume or go to a restaurant and pay your way through lukewarm lobster and mediocre champagne. Complete that ritual as you wish. Go to a concert together, watch a movie, or do nothing at all and think back fondly on the relationship that never happened. But if you are in a relationship: discuss it with your partner, perhaps he or she is a secret heart fan.
I don’t think it’s a bad thing to take a moment to reflect on that day mindfully. My partner and I both work evenings, so a night out is rare. Valentine’s Day gives us that guidance to block the agenda, such as Christmas or a birthday. After nine years, no further explanation is needed. We don’t have to think about gifts either. The gift is the free time itself, the day when as little work is done as possible. Lazing around and staring at the bouquet I received. Because yes, those wild flowers are really part of it. It may sound a bit traditional in 2024, but I see them as a sign of respect for the household chores that I perform. What does he get? An evening with me! If that isn’t a great gift.
Forbidden marriage
Valentine’s Day haters, if you’re not charmed by now, maybe the history behind it will convince you. The history, of course, does not exist, but I would like to share a few theories with you. For example, some scientists suspect that Valentine’s Day is derived from the Lupercalia, a Roman fertility festival that shepherds celebrated between February 13 and 15 to welcome spring. In some stories, women were already given a bouquet of flowers, in others they were given a beating ‘because it would stimulate fertility’. Strange guys, those Romans.
On the website of the Institute for the Dutch Language I read an even older theory that states that Valentijn was the name of a bishop who secretly concluded forbidden marriages. After all, poor soldiers were not allowed to marry while in service, they had to be focused on the battle, nothing was allowed to distract them, especially not a woman. These stories soon spread, and the love priest was arrested and sentenced to death on February 14. And so we also know where the band My Bloody Valentine got its inspiration from. However?
NO WAY! Cathérine De Kock (the hater): Love is… not celebrating Valentine’s Day
It is a holiday that exists solely to make the cash registers ring.
All that pink and red and rose-red. Hearts everywhere. Heart chocolates. And even more pink heart chocolates. It won’t stop these days. Valentine’s Day has been in my mailbox for weeks. From the NMBS (with the happy coincidence rhyme ‘Celebrate Valentine’s Day by train’) to the DIY store and the fish shop: they all offer me Valentine’s discounts. Nothing says “I love you” as intensely as a boiled lobster with a new claw hammer with soft grip, of course. I even received a Valentine’s email from a curtain store. Why on earth? So that voyeurs can no longer disturb you if that Valentine’s evening ends passionately?
In other words, Valentine’s Day is what the Americans call a ‘Hallmark holiday’. It’s a holiday that exists solely to keep the cash registers ringing at companies like ticket maker Hallmark.
They don’t get any ringing from me. I never celebrate Valentine’s Day, even when I’m in a relationship. That immediately brings me to another excellent argument for being against Valentine’s Day: it is a middle finger to everyone who is single. How can something be a celebration of love and connection if it excludes so many people at the same time? It doesn’t make any sense.
There is nothing unique about celebrating Valentine’s Day, it is simply herd behavior of a lot of calves in love. Everyone does the same thing, on the same day and usually in the same way. Flowers that are a dime a dozen, uninspired cards and a meal that is far too expensive for what it is, that you eat surrounded by too many people looking melancholy into each other’s eyes: Valentine’s Day is the barbie pink, cheerful version of a coffee table. Eventually you would buy new curtains for your valentine, just to be a little bit original.
I’m only cynical about Valentine’s Day, not about love: give me a sunset, a sea and the right arm around my shoulder and I want to close my curtains. Give me a red rose on – say – August 13th and I will melt like a chocolate heart. But on February 14th, dedju, they have to leave me alone. Precisely because I am expected to melt.
The only day you should really celebrate as a couple is the day you became a couple (or if you prefer to be more official: the day you got married), because that is yours alone – and the millions of others who also started a relationship on that day. After all, that day was the beginning of something beautiful (and sometimes also the beginning of the end, but that is for another article) and, perhaps even more importantly: the restaurant will undoubtedly be less busy and expensive that evening. A sweetheart who forgets that day can expect dry thunderstorms.
And not that I want to make it even more difficult for people in love, but still: every day should be Valentine’s Day – except on Valentine’s Day. What I mean is, at the risk of sounding annoyingly romantic: true love doesn’t need a holiday.
What you, dear reader, whose camp are you in? The pink or the black? Mail us!
You can read more thoughts about life in the blog From the heart
