Lessons from Indigenous Cultures: Attachment Parenting and Calm Discipline

What the author experienced in indigenous cultures is not all that different from what we now call attachment parenting. The families were less strict with their children than is often the case in this country. She describes the tone as affectionate. There was no scolding, no shouting, instead there was calm and relaxation – even when the children were romping wildly.

Peace and serenity come first

“Parents never get loud, really never,” says Michaeleen Doucleff. Because indigenous peoples live according to the philosophy: “Let’s yell at children, let’s educate them not to listen.” Even during tantrums, people stayed calm and put up with it when the children started hitting each other. Only when the anger subsided did they teach the children how to behave.

An intuitively correct procedure that underpins modern brain research with facts: In small children, the brain area in which rational thinking is located is not yet mature. It is therefore completely pointless to threaten consequences in the event of a tantrum, since children are not yet able to process this information.

Tantrums are completely normal

“The Inuit believe that young children get angry easily because they lack ‘ihuma’, reason, understanding. So there is no reason to get angry if a young child is rude, yells in your face or hits you haut. Such behavior does not reflect the competence of the parents. It is just part of being a child,” writes Michaeleen Doucleff.

Just silently accept a tantrum – preferably in public? This is something that very few parents would dare to do here. After all, no one wants to be the one who lets their kid dance all over them…