Leipzig. When Susann R.* hangs up, the phone rings again immediately. Children and young people need to talk to someone, and the telephone counselor at the “number against grief” has a lot to do. Girls and boys, but also parents, can contact her anonymously, ask questions about puberty, get advice on topics such as suicide and abuse, or just have a nice chat with her.
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The small office where Susann makes her phone calls is not made public for security reasons. They don’t want to take any risks, they don’t want any uninvited guests at the door complaining about the advice given by the consultants. The protection of employees is the most important thing for the Child Protection Association.
The Child Protection Association coordinates the free counseling service throughout Germany. It regularly trains new counselors – as Susann did four years ago in Dresden. The 49-year-old has now moved to Leipzig to work for a real estate company, and she has “taken” her volunteer work with her.
Today, she regularly advises children and young people at the Leipzig counseling center – mainly from the region. In the conversation, she talks about moments of happiness and changes in the issues due to the pandemic and war, about the team spirit and the limits of her voluntary work.
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“Number against grief”
The “Nummer gegen Kummer” is a nationwide, anonymous and free counseling service for children, young people and parents, which can be reached by telephone and online. Trained counselors offer support with everyday issues, but also worries and crises in various areas of life. The children and young people’s telephone number is 116 111. Parents and other adults can call 0800 11 0550. A special service in Ukrainian is available at 0800 500 2250.
To the website of the Helpline
Ms. R., in your four years as a telephone counselor at the “Nummer gegen Kummer” (helpline), is there a call that has particularly stuck in your memory?
Susan R.: Every now and then, young people call who speak very quietly and are having a hard time coping, without me immediately noticing what the pressing issue is. Then the conversations start very carefully and I slowly feel my way forward. When at the end of the conversation we laugh together, tell each other nonsense and the child says “I’m better now, thank you very much!” – then these are the conversations from which I draw a lot of energy.
Who is calling you?
It varies greatly, from primary school age to young adults. More girls call than boys. The topics are as varied as the callers. Some children are worried about their friends, have problems in the family or are asking themselves questions about their identity during puberty: “Who am I really and why do I feel like this? Is that normal?” But I also had a boy who was scared on the way home. I talked to him until he got home.
When a child calls very depressed and laughs with her at the end of the call, the conversations with the “Nummer gegen Kummer” telephone counselor give Susann a lot of strength.
Source: Betty Einhaus
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Are they always serious topics?
No, there are two types of conversations and I notice the difference straight away. Many children and young people just want to see what happens when they call the helpline. I am happy about these types of calls. Either the children order us a pizza or they quickly think up a story. But at some point the creativity stops and the conversation is quickly over. Nevertheless, the conversations are important, the children lose their shyness. If they do have a real problem at some point, their inhibitions are no longer so great.
And the second type?
If a caller has an acute problem, the conversation starts hesitantly and I sense that the person I’m talking to urgently needs to talk, even if he doesn’t yet know how to find the words.
How do you proceed then?
Most of the time I have to find out what my role is in the conversation. If someone is really upset because something stupid happened to them at school, I try to calm them down and ask: “Would you like to get something to drink? Are you alone? Can we talk in peace?” If a child calls because of bullying, I try to find out what the situation is like at school and whether the child knows where they can get help locally.
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And what if there are urgent issues? For example, if someone calls with suicidal thoughts?
The most important thing is to listen first. So that the acuteness, the despair and the hopelessness have space without me as the other person reacting with shock. And fortunately, my experience is that if you react calmly and encourage the caller to talk calmly, most people slowly find their way out of the acute situation. You need time and positive energy, and often you don’t have to say much. Listening and understanding are the most important things.
A piece of paper and a pen – that’s all Susann R. needs when she speaks to children and young people in telephone counseling.
Source: Betty Einhaus
What do you do if a child tells you about crimes committed by others, such as sexual abuse? Can you take action yourself?
As counselors, we don’t act. We don’t call the police. But we can of course encourage the child and we do that. Children who call with such issues have often created resources for themselves without being aware of them. Especially when it comes to violence in the family and sexual abuse, the children have been living with it for a certain amount of time and have long since survived the situation. So in that moment I try to give them strength. And then we think together about how they could get out of it.
How do you encourage children to take action?
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I answer the child’s questions: “What will happen to my mom and dad if I report them? And what will happen to me?” I know of a colleague who stayed with the child on the phone while he called the police on the other phone. That means we support the children, no matter what they want to do. We explain the consequences to them and take away some of their fear. At the same time, I make it clear to them: I can be there for you, but you have to take action yourself; I can’t do that.
Would you say that is the biggest challenge? That you cannot act on your own?
It is a challenge and at the same time helps me to deal with it. If my volunteer work involved more, I wouldn’t trust myself to do it. That’s where professionals come in. In training, we learn to deal with the fact that the conversation ends and we don’t know what will happen to the person.
Since 2022, the war in Ukraine has been extremely preoccupying for many children. This shows that the issues that concern us all are also immediately brought to the attention of the children’s and youth hotline.
Susan R.
Telephone counselor at the “Nummer gegen Kummer” in Leipzig
Do you remember situations in which you failed?
Yes, unfortunately there are. Maybe the person I’m talking to wanted something different from me than I’m able to give at that moment. That’s not a nice feeling. I then say: “I don’t think I can help you with your issue right now, but luckily I’m not the only one here. I’ll make you a suggestion: when you end the call, I’ll log off for ten minutes and make myself a cup of tea. And you just call again, then you’ll have someone else on the phone. Maybe they’ll have a better idea.”
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What can you do besides listen?
If a child is looking for specific help, I ask if they would like to tell me roughly where they live. Then I look in our database for local help.
You have been involved for four years now. Have the concerns of children and young people changed over the years?
I don’t have any pre-pandemic experience, but I know from other counselors that the issues have changed during this time. During the pandemic, a lot of the discussion was about isolation. Depression has also become more of an issue in recent years. And since 2022, the war in Ukraine has been extremely preoccupying for many children. This shows that the issues that concern us all are also immediately brought up on the children’s and youth hotline.
What motivated you to become a telephone counselor?
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I was looking for a volunteer position where I could be there for someone and still be somewhat flexible. At the “Nummer gegen Kummer” I can do three shifts a week or sometimes not do any shifts for a month.
How do you deal with the stress in the long term?
If I hang up, the phone rings again immediately. It is therefore important to take care of yourself. After difficult conversations, I sometimes log off, drink a coffee and let the conversation sink in for a moment. I can always contact our coordinator, we have an internal “number for help” and there are regular supervision sessions where we can talk to each other.
And how do you become a telephone counselor at the Child Protection Association?
You have to have a bit of time. The training begins with an evening of introductions, and then you attend evening seminars on various topics for a few months. People from the youth welfare office or a child psychiatric clinic are invited so that you know what happens when a child contacts the youth welfare office. We also discussed case studies and practiced making phone calls ourselves. That was exciting and really important to combat stage fright.
Children and youth telephone
New training round from 9 October
A new training course to become a telephone counselor at the children’s and youth telephone service starts on October 9th. In around 100 hours between October 2024 and April 2025, the volunteers will learn everything they need to know for this task. The training is coordinated by the Leipzig Child Protection Association. The contact person is Susanne Lenk, telephone 0341 7025727, email kjt@dksb-leipzig.de.
To the website of the Child Protection Association
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Can I get involved even if I am a young person myself?
Absolutely! There is a telephone line where young people can give advice to other young people. Every Saturday, between 2 and 8 p.m.
What advice would you give to people who can imagine becoming telephone counselors?
Write to us! We are a great team and look forward to meeting new colleagues. We may be alone when we make phone calls, but we meet up for supervision and get-togethers, visit facilities together and just go and play a game of table tennis in the park.
*For security reasons, Susann has decided not to have her last name published.
LVZ
