Ultimately, we made the conscious choice not to have a third child. It was really very painful to make that choice. In that sense it was not really a free choice, and I had a lot of difficulty with that. At the same time: you have to accept it.”
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Wedding day
Kim and her partner Jaap do not choose to freeze eggs, but they do choose love and each other. A planned wedding with all the trimmings has already been planned, but to do that while she was in the middle of chemo is not possible. The couple therefore decides to cancel the big day and set a new, earlier date to make their love official.
It will be a special day, with Kim saying yes to Jaap in the morning and going to the hospital in the afternoon – in her wedding dress, mind you – for a final check. “Yes, that was very special,” she says, laughing. “The photo on my hospital card is my wedding photo. My hair and makeup were perfect that day.”
Although they would like to have a wedding, that does not fit into her strict treatment schedule. “To get married again, that is something we would actually like to do again,” she expresses her wish.
New breasts
In October 2015, Kim starts her treatment: very heavy chemo, radiation, hormone treatments and an operation on the site itself. “They did everything they could to keep the place from growing.”
Kim will have a reconstruction in March 2016. Both breasts are removed. On the healthy side she receives a bag that stretches the skin so that it is spacious enough to place a prosthesis. On the other hand, she is first irradiated. The radiologist is shocked when he sees the healthy side. It is turning completely dark and appears to be inflamed.
Kim needs to be on antibiotics and the bag needs to be removed as soon as possible. “I came for my sick right breast, but then it turned out that my healthy left breast was not good at all. The radiologist even wanted to call an ambulance for me. The bag had to be removed after which I was completely flat. With the antibiotic infusion I then had to go on to my final radiation treatment. It was such a tough time. I was continuously alive. Once the expander was removed, it was really time to recover.”
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Despite
“I had to rest the entire summer of 2016. I was so tired, exhausted from everything and needed time to process what had happened. It wasn’t until April 2017 that I was ready and had new breasts made. This happened with my back muscles, which were loosened and moved forward for this purpose. I am now really satisfied with my breasts and am proud of them. Especially after everything I’ve been through.
I still suffer from my illness. So I always have to consciously manage my energy and if I do too much I just have to build in rest. I also suffer a lot from my scars in the winter. As soon as it gets colder I feel about 60 years old and my body aches. I’m really becoming an old lady and my body is much less flexible. That’s frustrating. To ensure that I don’t become stiff, I exercise a lot.”
Youth assistance
Throughout the process, Kim felt like she was pretty much the only person under 60 with cancer. “I thought: how is that possible? I was always among the people over 60. It later turned out that special youth care is provided in a number of hospitals, but unfortunately not in the hospital where I was treated.”
“I really wanted to draw more attention to this and so I set up my own foundation: Adolences and Young Adults (AYA). Particularly if you are young – between 18 and 39 years old – you are in an age phase where you still have a lot to discover. Who are you, how do you break away from your parents? If you become ill during that build-up phase, it disrupts many normal developmental milestones. What do you do with your studies when you are ill? How do you combine your treatment with your family and your career?”
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She gives a number of concrete examples of struggles that can arise. “You may have just started work and you cannot build up a pension if you are ill. What are you doing then? And what does the disease mean for having children? Have you even thought about wanting to have children when you are, for example, 21? Can you buy a house if you are sick?”
“You face an incredible number of additional questions when you are young and get cancer. When our foundation talks to an AYA, they help young people make important choices and they know what to pay attention to.”
New twist
“I think it is extremely important that this care is now being paid attention to in almost all hospitals in the Netherlands. In the meantime, healthcare professionals need to be trained and that requires money. I am now very proud of where I am now after everything that has happened. With my foundation I have given a new twist to my life that makes me very happy. Precisely because I can help other people who, like me, were diagnosed with cancer at a young age.”
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2024-01-07 08:02:24
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