In the movie Happily Ever After, you follow eleven characters who live in different forms of couple relationships, from monogamous to polyamory. How did you find them?
Finding the characters is the most difficult and essential thing because they make up the story. This time it was about a year of work, intense campaigns on the media, on social networks, among friends. And while for previous films I found the characters thanks to friends, in the latter part of the trilogy most people signed up for a public campaign.
Choosing the right one is a matter of feeling and intuition. Each of the characters must be able to tell a story, and I have to guess in advance that there will be twists in her life, something will happen. It is a bet on uncertainty, but in those fifteen years of work I have that feeling, hopefully already built in some way.
How long have you been following your characters?
Three years. In the film, we end up looking at five different groupings. Polyamory, an open relationship, a monogamous Catholic couple, a longtime mistress of a married man and a woman seeking love on dating sites after her husband left her.
I always met them after some time and found out if their life had moved on. Something great happened, interesting for the shooting, so that it was at the same time supportive of the film.
My intention was to tell the contemporary world. Without any evaluation, to record how I perceive the relationship and what is typical of it.
Do you have some level of self-censorship in you so that you don’t reveal more about people opening up to you than is acceptable to them?
In general, I have a lot of respect for people who reveal their life to me. I would really hate to ruin their lives or cause them problems. For example, with Milenka’s story, I was very careful not to recognize who her lover was.
We also have some really intense conflicts shot with different characters. Things happened during the shoot that I think would have belonged more to Wife Swap than to the kind of documentary I want to do. It was clear to me that such scenes would rather damage the characters if I included them in the film.
At some point the movie ends, but your characters’ lives continue. And the audience wonders if it went well or badly with the characters? Do you know that?
Who among us knows what is right and what is wrong? We are never able to estimate it, because what seems wrong to us at a certain moment, for example when someone breaks up with someone, can be a big and good step in the long run.
Why should I have an opinion on the functionality of polyamory? Today everyone has an opinion on everything and feels entitled to present it publicly. Although most of the time he knows almost nothing. The only thing I can say for myself is that I wouldn’t be able to share my love life between multiple people. But I honestly believe there are people capable of this, and maybe, who knows, they have better relationships than someone who has only one partner.
During the three years of filming, you develop a kind of relationship with each of them. Aren’t you worried about not showing someone more sympathy?
Each person has personal preferences, someone is more understanding to him. But I always think about creating something that should be balanced and fair, so I don’t think my personal preferences come into play. I made a lot of friends, for example, with Mirka, who became almost addicted to dating sites, but this only enriched my life. I have no preference for her in the film.
I think that all of us, even if we don’t realize it, live in a certain model, in a system of thought and values that we have created for ourselves. Few people realize in their own life what, even unconsciously, sets limits for them, influences their decisions, attitudes towards others and the world.
Is there anything else you would like to convey with your film?
I realized a very simple thing. It may not matter what kind of relationship we live in. We all want the same thing from life: to simply be happy. Everyone finds their own way. Some have it longer, others shorter, some do better, others less. When we are not harming anyone else, no one has the right to judge how we live our private lives.
