In 15 percent of couples who want to have children, there is no pregnancy after one year. In European Fertility Week we tell the stories of these would-be parents. For the three women who reported what they went through this week, the long, painful and intense fertility journeys were worth it – they finally became mothers after many fertility treatments.
Jacqueline (35) and Arjan (41) Bloem have been together since 2014. Their desire to have children is strong, but no baby is coming. It turns out that Jacqueline has PCOS and she undergoes many fertility treatments to get pregnant: “You have to find the courage to carry on after every failure or miscarriage.”
The Amersfoort couple decide to stop taking the contraceptive pill after their marriage in 2017, but Bloem’s menstrual period doesn’t start. Getting pregnant wasn’t easy for her sisters: ,, One of my sisters got pregnant through IVF, my other sister took hormone pills. When I didn’t have my period I had a feeling it could be difficult. “
After six months she goes to the doctor, who sends her home for a year. ,, I had to ‘waste’ she told her, but I had a bad feeling. My period had already started, so why didn’t we get pregnant? After six months I was back on the doorstep. We were allowed to see a fertility doctor at the hospital, but we came home from cold ground. “
What do you tell us about workplace fertility treatments? These women tell Nu’s parents why they played a face-up card or not.
Lose weight first
Doctors tell her she is overweight and needs to lose weight first. Bloem: ,, I knew I was overweight and had already lost 8 pounds, but we weren’t helped. I had to get at least 10 percent lighter. I did what I could, but I found it very tiring: my life revolved around the numbers on the scales. “
The couple may return when Bloem reaches a healthy weight: ,, The focus was completely on me, they didn’t even want to test my husband’s sperm. When we got back to the hospital, they still thought I was too heavy. I practiced like crazy and ate next to nothing. With a crash diet I lost the last 2 kilos and then we could finally start in the summer of 2020 “.
If a doctor sends you home because you are too fat, you have to accept it
Sent home too fat
During an examination in the hospital it appears that Bloem has PCOS, the polycystic ovary syndrome. Fluid vesicles grow in her ovaries, she ovulates less often, and she produces too many male hormones. ,, My hormones turned out to be unbalanced which is why losing weight was so difficult for me. Fortunately, we were allowed to start with IUI treatments. “
It’s been three years already: ,, You can’t get that time back. You are addicted to a hospital and if a doctor sends you home because you are overweight, you have to accept it. You won’t get help with weight loss. Bloem finds support from like-minded women on Instagram – I’ve shared everything about our online journey and had friends who have experienced the same thing.
Miscarriage after six attempts
He knows his body through and through. She starts injecting hormones, but the first attempt fails: ,, They missed my ovulation, while I indicated that I was ovulating. Four more attempts follow, but pregnancy does not occur. On the sixth attempt at IUI, Bloem is pregnant. “Unfortunately we received bad news on the first ultrasound. The fetus had not grown well at seven weeks and a miscarriage started not long after. “
Her husband is there for her, her ‘Insta-friends’ send her sweets and gifts, but she still has to find the courage to start over: ,, I was not depressed, but I had panic attacks from stress. The question of whether it will ever work weighs on your shoulders all day and takes over everything ”.
The outside world was sometimes harsh: ‘Do you see everything will be okay? Didn’t I say you were going to be a mother?
Lonely and heavy
It will be too much flower. Because of the corona, her trajectory is also lonely: ,, Day after day I worked alone at home and I also did many inseminations alone in the hospital. To get some peace of mind in her body and mind, she seeks help: ,, I ended up with a very good midwife who is also a coach. She encouraged me to try again. “
After a few months we move on to IUI treatments. ,, Mentally it’s tough; you’re there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. But physically it’s nothing: putting dozens of injections, headaches, nausea. Bloem shares everything with his employer from the start: ,, It was good; I didn’t have to lie about where I was and I recommend this openness to everyone. You don’t have to make it a secret that you are in a heavy medical process. “
Pregnant after ten IUI treatments
The 10th IUI treatment gets it right: she’s pregnant. “I was very scared because of my miscarriage. And even after a good ultrasound I remained unsure, because who gives you the guarantee that it will continue to do well? I am a control freak, so I have arranged for an ultrasound every week of my pregnancy. I had to, otherwise I went crazy “.
After fifteen weeks of pregnancy, confidence builds. ,, The outside world was sometimes harsh: ‘See, will everything be okay? Didn’t I say you were going to be a mother? ‘ Comments like this rubbed my hair. People have good intentions, but I have been trying my hardest to protect my heart for years, so that it would eventually work out was not a given for us. “
Not immediately lyrical and overjoyed
Four months ago, their son Dave was born. Bloem: ,, I expected to be lyrical and overjoyed after birth, but I didn’t feel that way at all. The first period I didn’t have any feelings. After a trajectory of years you expect to be very happy with your baby, but it is normal for you to develop these feelings only after a few weeks or even months. It’s only been a few weeks since I started having a lot of fun with my son ”.
Her openness took her far, but the fertility process was difficult for her: ,, If you are going through this process, look for experienced experts and people who will help you when you get through it. Doctors have medical knowledge, but they don’t have time to mentally support you. If you don’t have anyone around you, find a professional who understands fertility processes, because you have to tell your story and you don’t have to do it alone. “
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