Which song would you like to play at your own farewell?
“It’s my life by Bon Jovi.”
Why this particular number?
“First, because I like the irony of it It’s my life can appreciate at a funeral. This is my kind of humor. In addition, this is one of the few songs whose message matches the life I have lived for the past twenty years. Songs are often about love and sex, and that doesn’t bother me.
I live my life my way, despite the pressure from the outside world to live up to the image of a house, tree, or beast. You have to have a partner, of the opposite sex of course, and then there will be children and a house to buy. But for me that’s not necessary at all, although it took me a while to figure that out. I would also like to convey that message with this song: you don’t have to live according to the expectations of others, it is completely your life.”
What does the song say about your life?
“Around my thirties I discovered that I do not experience sexual attraction to others. As a child I saw that the world had a fascination with sex and I did not understand it. Even when I got into a relationship and noticed that my (now) ex had the same fascination, it didn’t do anything for me. I had never met anyone, including my ex, who made me think: I want to have a rusk with you. I was convinced that Hollywood had invented it all as an excuse to include juicy scenes in films and series. and that people don’t really want to sleep together.”
Years of process
“When I realized that it really existed and that I differed from others, I wanted to read everything about it. Even though I never experienced it as a problem myself, I did notice that the whole world revolves around sex. When I read the word asexuality somewhere, I instinctively knew it referred to me.
Ultimately, it took many years before I found the right language to really understand myself and to explain it to others. Because often when I talk about it with someone, I have to defend or justify myself. As if I need a reason to be who I am. But it also helps me, those conversations. Every time I speak out, I understand myself better.”
“Asexuality is not really known yet. It is hardly mentioned in books and on screen, and characters who do not want a relationship are dismissed as workaholics, semi-robots or psychopaths. As if you are barely human if you do not experience sexual attraction. That’s what I think. I’m sorry.
I consciously live alone and like to organize my life the way I want, without having to feel responsible for someone else’s happiness. I noticed that in my marriage too. Then I crossed my own boundaries, because yes, you are married and you want your partner to be happy. I knew a lot then. Now my life is wonderful, with friends and sports and doing what I want. And especially no longer what I don’t want, such as sex, because ‘that’s how it should be’.”
What do you dream of?
“Writing a bestseller. Or actually, having written a bestseller. Because after my last novel, Dunkwhich was published last year, I now miss the drive to start something new. I am not interested in becoming famous with my books, but I would like to help as many people as possible to understand themselves or their loved ones better. I want to give them the language that I have so laboriously gathered myself.”
What is your guilty pleasure?
“I’m not doing it guiltyonly on pleasures. It’s my life, after all, and everything that comes with it is okay. I don’t have to be ashamed of that. I might as well sing along with Oh mama as with Iron Maiden, and you will find me as often in 013 as in Carré. Heavy metal or musical: as long as they don’t sing too much about sex, I love it.”
What is your Final Agreement?
Which song should be played at your funeral? And what does that say about your life? If you would like to participate in this section, email your story to [email protected]
2024-04-04 08:18:41
#Micha #asexual #world #revolves #sex
