iPhone 14 Announcement: Buy or Die? Apple’s Toughest Sales Pitch Yet

Buy or die? iPhone announcement didn’t contain many hoped-for features, but it was Apple’s toughest sales pitch yet

Once upon a time, in 2019, the iPhone’s new launch day meant that Tim Cook and his hand-picked lieutenants were walking live on stage, doing live demos that were inherently risque. Since 2020, we have only seen pre-registered product launches that reduce the risk of demos as much as the risk of disease.

More than that, packaged events previously allowed Apple to create playful visual messages aimed at certain markets, like yay California! and we love stoners.

Now the COVID risk (at least in California(opens in a new tab)) has diminished to the point that Apple is inviting select press (including Indigo Buzz) back to its Spaceship HQ theater… to watch a pre-recorded product launch. Apple executives: they are like us! (In that they want to work from home as often as possible). Oh yeah, and they’re clearly fans of the controllable message.

What message did this particular prerecorded product launch want to send? Not that the iPhone 14, saved for last, is a big jerk in and of itself. What we’ve seen time and time again is that it’s part of a trio of products, alongside the Apple Watch (now in extremely expensive Ultra Extreme form) and Airpods, which Cook has insisted that they work well together.

So better check them out next time you’re in the Apple Store, right? Because if you don’t have all the devices… you might die. Here’s the real punch message barely buried under the surface of this show: We can save your life.

Of course, Apple isn’t classless enough to pitch it like a local broadcaster would (why not having an Apple Watch could kill you, news at 11). Instead, Cook began with a video montage of people reading letters they had apparently written to him (on pieces of paper?) detailing situations where a watch had saved a life. A guy had been saved from a garbage truck, another from a bear attack. A woman read the harrowing story of a plane crash from a set where Apple had spent a lot of money to reconstruct the crash.

Similarly, the new “Collision Detection” feature, which will offer to call 911 for you on the iPhone 14 and Apple Watch (Series 8, SE, and Ultra), has received full Fast and Furious footage from flaming overturned cars and spectacularly bursting airbags. . You’d be forgiven for thinking Apple invented crash detection, not that it was already available on multiple Pixel models(opens in a new tab).

Lots of security, little change

More security segments abounded. The iPhone 14 will let you make free SOS calls via satellite (at least for the first two years you own it). The event gave its first third-party slot to Oceanic, an app focused on safety warnings for divers. The Apple Watch Ultra, which can now be worn by divers, will also feature an 86-decibel siren that can be heard up to 600 feet away. Set off now to take on the great outdoors! Apple seemed to say, then add in a low whisper: With this device, you’ll never be eaten by bears.

Unsaid: why Apple has to charge us $800 for an “Ultra” watch that lasts 36 hours on a single charge. The usual Apple Watch Series 4 will soon do the same, but only if you put it in low power mode; That’s right, four years after its launch, the Series 4 introduces a power saving feature that’s been available on the iPhone for over a decade.

As for the iPhone 14 – well, for those who only care about improved cameras and chips, or more charcoal-like shades of purple, it was a win. For Apple fans who were hoping for a USB-C slot (so we could carry a single cable for our phone, iPad, and MacBook), or who like the ability to swap SIM cards, this was a miss.

Those of us who have been hoping for an end to the cursed camera notch cutting out all iPhone screens since the iPhone X took a half-victory with the arrival of Dynamic Island. The very name is an Apple marketing masterpiece, an attempt to turn a bug (there’s still a front-facing camera buried in the display) into a feature: but now it has notifications! And they are less annoying than regular notifications!

Could the dynamic island be even more boring than its notch predecessor in certain situations? Apple’s pre-recorded demos may all work just fine, but even they couldn’t hide what it looks like when you watch a movie or TV show on your phone: like there’s a black band actually buried in your screen now, instead of just hiding around the edges.

Only time and a whole host of early iPhone 14 users will tell. In the meantime, longtime Apple watchers will still be waiting for the company to take a chance on virtual reality, or augmented reality, or a car, or even any major new feature that isn’t some bold new form of marketing.