Incredibly Harsh Narratives

– It’s really brutal. It has been one of my biggest sorrows, says Stine Eikaas (40).

The first time she was pregnant at the age of 22, she started bleeding when almost three months had passed into the pregnancy. She was confirmed by the doctor that she had had a miscarriage, and had to undergo a curettage.

– Then I just lay awake when I woke up, and felt that I didn’t meet any understanding. For me it was about the hope of the baby I had envisioned, which turned into a great sadness.

Eikaas experienced that she did not receive the follow-up she needed, either before, during or after the miscarriage. She first told about her story in The friend of the fatherland.

– It is one of the most painful things we women go through – when something happens to the pregnancy or our children.

Crawled and writhed in pain

In the following years, Eikaas had two children, but when she was going to try for her third in 2015, she entered a difficult period.

After bleeding, she was told by the gynecologist that she had had a miscarriage, and was sent home because scraping was not necessary.

– I was told that I should just wait, but no information about how long it would take. I lay writhing and crawling on the floor in pain, and used whiskey as a pain reliever.

– Bits came out little by little, and was like a small birth. It has set in as a trauma.

A few months later, Eikaas became pregnant again, but this time too she was told that there was no heartbeat on the ultrasound.

– Then I was told by the gynecologist that I “shouldn’t feel so much”. But the body is getting ready to become a mother.

– After that, I was really broken. The body had probably had to deal with the two miscarriages that came so close as well. I got depressed. For me, there were real sorrows I had to go through.

Understand the feeling

Dagbladet has been in contact with the gynecologist in question, who says that it is a shame if someone does not feel cared for.

He says that he usually lets the patient choose between taking tablets that speed up the process, or waiting.

– I always offer to follow them up, and they receive an information letter about what complications they can expect. They are given the phone number here and told that they can contact a doctor if it gets too intense.

– Was suffocated from the inside

– What do you do to look after the women psychologically?

– You don’t have enough time, and the healthcare system doesn’t have the capacity to follow up on the mental health they need. So I understand that many people feel poorly looked after, he says.

Sørlandet hospital, where Eikaas was treated on several occasions, writes in an email to Dagbladet that they cannot comment on individual cases, but speak on a general basis.

The hospital writes that they have their own corporate procedure for treatment, where the aim is to let nature take its course as much as possible.

– Spontaneous abortion is a common condition. Between 10 and 20 per cent of all recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage, says Mikkel Peter Høiberg, adviser to the specialist departments at the hospital.

Undergoing an abortion can be a traumatic experience both physically and psychologically, says Høiberg.

– The women are advised that many find good support from family and friends, while others may need a professional conversation partner. Contact to either the gynecological outpatient clinic or Amatea, which is a nationwide free health service that provides guidance and follow-up, is offered to all women.

– Brutal stories

Eikaas herself works as a hypnotherapist, and says that she helps many women who come to her clinic with bad experiences and trauma from miscarriages.

– There are some completely brutal stories about lack of follow-up. You just have to go back to everyday life and live as normal. We must be met with warmth and understanding in the grief we have and help to make room for it.

Eikaas wishes there was more information from the healthcare system about what women can expect physically and psychologically.

– Wrath me in pain

– And things like: What actually happens to the fetus that comes out, what do you do with it? Nobody talks about that.

Another thing that can be difficult when it comes to miscarriage is how you are greeted by others, says Eikaas.

Sentences such as: “It was a good thing it happened so early”, “You can just get pregnant again”, “You already have children, you should be grateful for them” are perhaps meant to be supportive, but cause shame in feeling as you do, says Eikaas.

– What you need to be met with is respect and understanding that you are going through something that is very difficult for many.

– Not much happened

Ragnhild Angell Wennberg, leader of Agder Liberal Women’s Association and city council candidate Kristiansand Liberal Party, believes the follow-up today is far too poor.

– I have been pregnant five times in 21 years and have three children. In the 21 years, not much has happened in abortion follow-up.

– It wouldn’t have helped with a little empathy. Knowing that there is a follow-up offer, says Wennberg.

She first wrote a debate post on the topic in Fædrelandsvennen on 13 March. Since then, she has received a great response from women who tell about their experiences, both to her and in the comments section.

– They say that they feel very alone and are left to their own devices. We must recognize that this is very taboo, but a large part of women’s health. But when it’s not talked about, you feel completely alone.

– The doctors said a pap smear was unnecessary

In the comments section of a closed Facebook group for women, which Dagbladet has seen, in recent days there have been stories after stories about how poor follow-up there is in the event of a miscarriage.

– It is embarrassing and taboo, and at least when you have strong feelings connected to something that is dismissed as “very common”.

Wennberg emphasizes that it is not the employees who are the big problem, but the surrounding system.

– The health service is not equipped or has the resources to follow up these women.