– I was afraid of being single – VG

Updated less than 20 minutes ago

– I feel that I breathe more freely being open. If I meet someone I like, it doesn’t matter if he knows I’m not dating anyone right now, says Melby.

She invited VG to her apartment in Oslo, to talk candidly about her marital status, love, breakup and future.

To take the most important first:

• Yes, the ex moved.
• Yes, she started dating.
• No, dating has not been particularly successful until now.

But perhaps most important:

– Please don’t send me sleazy messages on Instagram, she tells potential suitors that they might be excited by the thought of being single and open to love.

Single or not?

When Melby became a minister in 2020, she asked her ex Thomas to come back in the middle of a breakup, to get her life back on track.

Last fall he told VG that marital status was “unclear”.

– When we lived together it happened that I got the question “Are you single?”. Then it didn’t seem right to say yes, when there were a man and two children at home and in life. But I’ve been single since late fall last year, yes, and we’ve spent the last year separating from each other, she explains.

The ex, Thomas, lives in an apartment a few hundred meters away, and the two work together on the children and still spend time with the two children.

After the elections last fall, they separated.

– We decided it wasn’t us. So after the election we started practicing it. So we’ve spent the last year separating from each other. So now we’re probably more like regular exes, but still good friends working on children together.

– Like everyone else with children, I hoped for a long time that it would work, but in the end we found that it didn’t.

Thomas agrees that their story is discussed in this interview.

I can’t wait to be single

So suddenly the liberal leader was single – for real.

– I was afraid of being single. I haven’t been there in a long time. I am a sociable person and I was afraid of being alone.

However, it went better than he had feared.

– I have a lot in my life. I have children and a very meaningful and exciting job. And after having children, I sometimes enjoy being alone even more.

Melby says she is in no rush to get out of single life.

Men:

– Actually, it’s going well. I don’t have much stress to get out of the single life. But I think in the long run I want to be with someone.

I’ve been on a date

The leftist leader now reveals that she has had a couple of “dates” since becoming single.

– How did it go?

– I’m still single, so not very well, you could say, he says, smiling.

Talk about a date shortly after last year’s election.

– Then there were many people who came and wanted to talk about politics. I wonder if he thought it was a little tiring, because there were no more dates with him, she reveals.

Melby simply replies “no” when asked if she has downloaded dating apps to her phone.

– If I had met a guy I liked, I would have been willing to go out with him. But here they are a bit old fashioned. I have more confidence in the chemistry when you meet someone, rather than ticking some features and “scrolling” across the screen.

Nor does Melby want to waste time dating people who aren’t serious.

– I can imagine some people might find it a little fun to hang out with me, even if they don’t really mean anything. I don’t want to be someone’s curiosity, she says firmly.

Karaoke, tour or shuffle board

– What is your dream date?

– I’m a huge fan of doing something, not just sitting down to dinner and drinking wine. I like the idea that we do something. Some activity.

Melby’s adviser, Lars Brandsås, smiles uncontrollably and shoots from the sideline:

– You have to explain what kind of business!

Melby glances apologetically at her young advisor:

– When you have a 24 year old girl from Trønder as a consultant, she says in the explanation before continuing:

– It could be a walk, a karaoke or a shuffle board. That you can see other sides of someone besides sitting and chatting, I think that’s cool. But my first meeting with my ex was to discuss some column I was going to write about the separation of church and state. It also worked, he says.

He’s funny, but he’s not a red voter

Melby likes people who are busy and with her own kind of humor.

– Of course it’s cute if you think it’s funny. But if you can make me laugh, then that’s the most important thing.

The liberal leader is also open to the fact that his possible partner can have any political conviction – almost.

– I’ve thought about it for a while. I think I’m open to a lot of parties, but Rødt thinks it would have been a bit difficult, she says.

– What’s it like to hang out with someone, when you’re so profiled?

– People may already have thoughts about you, positive or negative. I also think dating women with power is scary for some men, she says, adding after a pause for thought:

– I’m not particularly interested in that kind of man.

I don’t want to be a “house breaker”

– Many high-profile people want to keep their private life as private as possible and try to keep these things away from the public. Why the hell are you so open about this?

– It’s okay to say it as it is. I’m not too afraid of what people think of me, says Melby.

– For me, it’s feminism to show that it’s possible to be a leader in a big party in Norway and have that kind of job, have a bit of a complicated life, and keep making it happen. It’s also been a while since I worry about speculation, which is best said as it is.

After last year’s interview with VG, in which she talked about her special life situation, there was one particular feedback that made an impression.

– A woman came to me this spring and told me she broke up with her husband after reading the interview with VG. She said “that with the work you do, you can have children by yourself, it shows that I can too”. I think a lot of people stay in relationships where they shouldn’t be, for the sake of increasing logistics.

Melby hopes her story will give others the courage to choose what’s best for them – and she believes it can be best for children too.

Before he hurries to add:

– But I don’t want to be a “pain in the ass”.

Love the pain

Melby was really mad when it didn’t work out with Thomas, who is now her ex-boyfriend.

– I was heartbroken and realized I wasn’t going to get the life I thought I was getting. It was painful and took me a long time to accept, she says, and is still affected by talking about how the breakup affected her.

Melby has learned a lot about life and love in recent years.

– I think it wasn’t the lack of love that didn’t make it work. I thought there are a lot of things we should do differently, which I will try to do better next time. To become better at listening to the needs of the other, to talk about what is difficult at the right time.

He believes that many people who have been through painful breakups may refuse to love again, because the breakup can be so painful.

– I heard it too. But on the other hand, I have also experienced how beautiful love can be. And I want to experiment the again, he says, and remains silent for a few seconds, before saying:

– So I think I’m willing to take the risk.