Living with a Shadow: One Woman’s Battle with PMDD
For 25-year-old Ada, the week leading up to her period wasn’t just uncomfortable; it was a terrifying battle for survival. "My life feels miserable," she shared. "It starts with an intense urge to take my own life."
These feelings of profound sadness and despair, coupled with the overwhelming desire to end her suffering, were not new. Ada had struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts for years. But it wasn’t until a seemingly innocuous tweet caught her eye in 2023 that she discovered a label for her experience: Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, or PMDD.
"A woman tweeted about feeling incredibly sad and depressed two weeks before her period," Anya recalled. "She followed up with an article about PMDD, and it was like a lightbulb went off.
"I’m not crazy, this is something other women experience," Ada realized.
Finally understanding what she had been battling brought a sense of validation that years of seeking help hadn’t provided. "For someone who is suicidal," Ada explained, "pills can be triggering. I just wanted to know what was wrong with me."
Sadly, Ada’s experience with seeking medical help only added to her frustration. A male doctor she consulted dismissed her concerns, offering platitudes like, "Just try to focus on happy thoughts."
"If it were that easy," Ada countered, "I wouldn’t have ended up in the hospital."
Since her PMDD revelation, Ada has shifted her focus to building a support system. Her boyfriend now keeps track of her cycle, sending gentle reminders as her period approaches.
"That’s when I surround myself with the things and people I love," Ada says, emphasizing the importance of self-care during these vulnerable weeks.
And Ada isn’t alone. "I have three friends who also get their period around the same time, and they deal with those depressive thoughts too," she confided.
"It’s a collectiveness shared with people who understand. It’s easier because I don’t have to always explain how I feel. They understand because it’s their reality, too."
The experience of PMDD is often misunderstood, Ada believes.
"If men were going through this, there would be enough research and we would have a solution by now."
Ada’s fluency with women’s health topics led her to be both surprised and disheartened by the lack of awareness surrounding PMDD.
Though Ada succeeded in managing her PMDD largely through community and self-administration, she recognizes the struggle of others facing this debilitating condition.
"I think that while PMDD has the same symptoms for most women, it can also be very different for some. But if you are consistently struggling every week before your period, mentally and emotionally, I would advise trying to speak to a medical professional who is kind and empathetic, because without that, you will feel unseen. I would also advise doing your own research on it, as no one can fully understand how you feel except you. Once you understand your symptoms, you can understand how they present for you."
Ada’s story highlights the urgent need for greater awareness and understanding of PMDD. It’s a call to action for improved research, more compassionate medical care, and a society that listens to and supports those impacted by this often-invisible condition.
