The following e-mail came to the address [email protected] from our reader Karin:
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Dear Mr. Hausmann, my problem is love. At the last family celebration, I fell in love with my husband’s brother, his twin, and he fell in love with me. And that’s not good for many reasons. I like my husband, but he’s a little prudish, he’s also very jealous, and we have two small children. And, of course, the problem is also what it would do to the family if it spilled over.
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But I can’t help it, my husband’s brother is his opposite: he is calm, very educated, gallant… You know, you might say to yourself, why didn’t I choose this man as my husband? Well, he was in the USA until this year, I saw him live for the first time at that party. He wasn’t even at our wedding. I’m just up to my ears in it, I can’t help it. He is also in love, but what next…?
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So is my situation hopeless, or what do you think about my situation? Thank you. Karin
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I don’t think that just because someone is looking at someone from day to day, he should immediately burn (or undermine) the bridges that have carried him firmly enough until now. It is beautiful to see on your case the difference between female and male thinking. A man would think about how he would secretly conquer the object of his interest, provided of course that it would not disturb his family relations in any way. You almost count on it…
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If you can’t help it (I’m not surprised at him, every new sexual adventure is welcome for men), then I advise you to take the mentioned male approach – if, of course, the woman is capable of such an approach. It would mean surrendering to your brother-in-law somewhere in the utmost secrecy and at the same time not revealing anything about yourself at home (in bed). At the same time, you could find out if the brother-in-law is really as “calm, very educated, gallant…” as it seems to you now. Maybe you said the same thing about your husband before marriage.
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You don’t write how old you are, from the context (two children) I’m guessing something over thirty, the brother-in-law with a high probability as well. It is strange that a man of such qualities is without a partner (even in the USA there are women), and on top of that he needs to be packed by the mother of two children, nota bene with the bitter aftertaste of his own brother’s deception. What’s gallant about that? Maybe a desperate person would do something like that, who can’t get hold of anything and has to take whatever comes his way with gratitude, but not a prince like you describe. So, if I were you, I would be extremely careful and not rush into any steps blinded by love in case he is not that kind of prince again.
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I don’t find any flaws in your current man, for which he should be cheated on, or even left. “A bit prudish” – well, and who isn’t, “he’s also a lot jealous” – it’s no wonder at the speed with which you can peek into a stranger’s man.
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So what next? Stay in check and don’t rush.
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