THAT ANGER: I recently started talking to this guy from my past. I really like. We’ve been going back and forth for a year now because we both had things in our lives that needed our attention first (e.g. my bipolar depression and seeking counseling).
Anyway, my best friend threatened to cut me out of her life if I got into a relationship with him. On the one hand, this guy makes me feel like I’m on fire, in a good way, of course. But, on the other hand, I don’t want to lose my best friend. What should I do? — DIFFICULT CHOICE IN ILLINOIS
DEAR DIFFICULT CHOICE: You have omitted something important from your letter. WHY is your best friend so strongly opposed to this guy? She is jealous? Could he have something to do with his problems? Last time you were with him, did it end badly? At what point? Your best friend might try to save you, but she does it awkwardly. She talks to him.
THAT ANGER: Fifteen years ago, I “ran away” from home to get away from my adult children, and finally made my own life. They were able to stay at home because I continued to pay the mortgage. Their father, my ex, and his family all lived nearby.
Now none of my kids want anything to do with me or my family, and they don’t want any communication from me. I suspect they feel abandoned, as I was the parent they could always count on. Can I do anything to fix our relationship? — SMOKING MOM IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR MOTHER: Yes, tell your kids that you are selling the house, which I assume you own now. I’m sure they will start “communicating” with you as soon as the news reaches them. You have been more than generous in keeping these payments so they have a roof over their heads. If you had to “escape” from the bottomless pit of want, you did the right thing. Please don’t let me use you anymore. You saved yourself and you shouldn’t feel sad or guilty about doing so.
THAT ANGER: A friend recently came to my house. I offered coffee and cake, which I had already sliced and arranged on plates. He told me he wasn’t hungry right away and would take it home for later, and he asked me for a wrapper or container to put it in. Sure, I complied, but I’ve never heard of such a thing, even though diners often bring home uneaten food from a restaurant. Am I out of step here or do I have a right to be as shocked as I was? — SURPRISE HOSTESS
DEAR SURPRISE: If you were “shocked” by what he did, you really must be sensitive. Your friend was honest with you. Give him credit for that. He might love the pie you gave her, but he’s been keeping an eye on her weight and thought he’d put it in the freezer to enjoy some other time. I know of no etiquette rule that dictates that a person must eat a pastry in the presence of the hostess.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
