MENTAL HEALTH – It’s been almost 10 years since I started consulting psychiatrists. I was only 20 years old when I was struck by one of the manifestations of the disease: I was the victim of an ADB (acute delirious puff). It is a very impressive episode of delirium which appears very abruptly. So much so that it is described as “a clap of thunder in a serene sky”.
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In fact, I was already sick before. I had depressive episodes that went “unnoticed” because they weren’t diagnosed.
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As a teenager, I didn’t have the trigger to consult a psychiatrist, no doubt because of the reputation that psychiatric patients hold: I didn’t want to be part of it.
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“I am now diagnosed as bipolar. Afterwards, whatever the diagnosis, if the treatment works, then the qualifiers only serve to stick you in a box.
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I talk about it because I find that our distrust of psychiatry prevents us from taking care of ourselves quickly and lengthens the time to wander without treatment.
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Play against time
However, here time is an essential ally, especially when you are young. I think there is a real warning message to be given to the parents of young people who are suffering, and to the young people themselves. And thus make them understand how crucial good support is, and especially as soon as possible.
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Following my BDA, I was hospitalized for several weeks. I was like a vegetable. It was almost impossible for me to express myself intelligibly; everything was fragmented in my mind. I was completely delusional.
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Coming home from the hospital, I sat for months and months watching television, crying because the doctors told me that I would probably never return to a “normal” young adult life. When you’re 20, I can tell you that it’s extremely painful, frustrating, brutal. Especially for me who absolutely wanted to study. But my observation was, to my great despair, that I could no longer function intellectually: my memory, my concentration: everything had shattered; and on the level of the emotions it was the same observation: I was completely apathetic.
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These disorders settled down in a chronic way: one posed the diagnosis of schizophrenia.
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I was in bad shape, but stubborn and stubborn. I had decided that whatever it takes, I will get there. I will be able to resume the course of a “normal” life. But it was still very long and trying.
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A very long and difficult path
So I changed psychiatrists several times. And then, I met the one I needed, he was optimistic! And that changes, a lot of things! New psychiatrist and new diagnosis. I am now diagnosed as bipolar. Afterwards, no matter the diagnosis, if the treatment works, then the qualifiers only serve to stick you in a box.
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After changing treatments, and several relapses that I experienced as lessons on my way of life or of seeing things. I started to get better! And much better even! For four years, my condition has continued to improve, whether cognitively or emotionally. I live again and it is a real happiness.
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Be careful, it’s not always all rosy. The disease is there; and sometimes it doesn’t go so well. Besides, for those who live events close to mine, do not despair. When the relapse is there, you end up knowing that it is very often temporary and that you have to hold on. Because life is not just about being sick. And illness doesn’t have to stop you from living, although I know that’s easier said than done. It’s possible.
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It’s possible because that’s what I’m trying to do: I passed the entrance exam to medical school in Belgium (very selective), and today I’m in my second year, although I am 29 years old. And I believe that I have nothing to lose by embarking on studies, as I have always wanted. I’d always be better off sitting in my chair during a lecture than sitting in front of the television crying in frustration.
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I’m not going to tell you that it’s simple, because it’s not: doing medicine is hard, and even more so when you have to manage an illness (whatever it may be). But I am fulfilled, and I often forget that I am sick. Moreover, I am convinced, after these small victories, that even if I do not become a doctor, I will succeed in reintegrating myself elsewhere given that I am once again able to function in an “ordinary” environment. This is why I tell myself that I have succeeded in my bet of having a “normal life”, even if it is not always perfect.
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But at the same time, sick or not, do you know people who are still doing well? Or who always succeed in everything?
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In the end, it’s a balance that I have found, and overall I’m making progress every day. If only through the experiences that life has given me and my medical studies that help me to surpass myself, to set myself goals. And, guess which specialty I intend to choose?
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See also on The HuffPost: Do you shave your head like Britney Spears when you’re bipolar?
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