Sociologist at Boston College’s Morrissey College of Arts and Science, Charles Derberuses the term “narcissistic conversational” To refer to People who tend to dominate a conversation, without considering other points of view. of others.
That scenario may be common in daily life interactions and on certain occasions can reflect from a self-esteem exaggerated until deep insecurities.
In such cases and under this specific definition, the behavioral strategist and leadership expert of the Harvard University, Shade Zahrairecently published an article in which addressed the most common aspects that can be found in these individuals.
And along with that, He detailed how to respond when you are in the middle of those conversations.
This is what the specialist said In the note he wrote for CNBC.
5 Behaviors of Narcissists and How to Spot Them, According to a Harvard Expert
The point to which this subtitle refers It seems almost obvious if you think about Derber’s definition.
When you are talking to a “conversational narcissist,” They usually go into a monologue about different aspects of their life.leaving no room for the other to speak.
And finally, When they finish delving into that topic that deals with themselves, they direct the conversation towards anotheralways under those conditions.
That could be annoying, so Zahrai suggested trying to “gently steer the conversation towards a more balanced dialogue.”.
In this sense, He mentioned a technique called “conversational threading,” which involves picking up key words—or concepts—that the other person has mentioned and incorporating them into your response..
For example, If a person says they had a great long weekend and elaborates on it, you can build on what they already said and then say, “Mine was similar…”.
In most cases, It is unusual for them to stop to assess the other person’s reactions or opinions, but it is also common for them to generally not notice of that.
Faced with these situations, The Harvard expert recommended saying phrases like “I have some ideas too” or “I would love to share my own experiences” to avoid triggering awkwardness or unnecessary arguments. (depending on the context, of course).
If the above does not work, Zahrai suggested her ace up her sleeve: saying that you have a phone call or a meeting scheduled in advance, so as to get out of the conversation. instantly.
This people They often find ways to redirect conversations back to them.despite multiple attempts by the other party to change it.
To answer them, Zahrai recommended another of her techniques, which is to ask them for advice directly, thus encouraging them not to change the subject. and redirect it towards them.
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An example response could be: “It sounds like you had a great time on your vacation, do you have any advice while I get ready to leave?”.
In addition, Another strategy is to “thank and continue”which translates into phrases like: “What you’re saying sounds very interesting. What I was trying to share about my situation is that…”
5 things narcissists do in conversations and how to respond, according to a Harvard expert. Photo: reference.
Although sometimes it is not intentional, “Conversational narcissists” tend to use paternalistic language, in order to create the impression that they are the people with the most knowledge of the space and context. in which they are located.
That It can happen even though there are other people with more experience or who have more information on a topic than they do.
In these situations and if your attitude is one of contempt, The Harvard specialist said that it is necessary to establish clear limits and resist the impulse to respond defensively..
Because? In order to avoid unnecessary discussionsdepending on the case.
Along these lines, he said that You can respond: “I would love to continue this conversation, as long as it is respectful.”.
Y In case this scenario occurs in a group conversation, it can be facilitated for another person to speak.
Here is one example of how to do it, as Zharai wrote for the aforementioned media: “Catalina has experience in that area, right? What do you think about it?”.
This point is also one of the most common in these individuals and refers to a scene that you have surely experienced: You share one of your achievements with someone and that person automatically makes a comment to belittle your feat and position themselves above you..
An example: “Did you really get promoted at work? When I got promoted, they gave me a bonus and a car…”.
Dealing with these types of comments, according to the Harvard expert, It can be emotionally draining.
To answer them, He suggested a technique that he said “is often the most effective.”.
Is about Say something like: “I’ve noticed that whenever we talk, our conversations become competitions. I’d like us to share without trying to outdo each other.”.
Although these strategies from Zahrai can help you handle a conversation with a “conversational narcissist,” the Harvard expert stressed One point to always remember: “You are never obliged to continue a conversation that you find unsatisfactory.”.
