My daughter, almost 16 years old, has always been overweight and this has dramatically compromised our relationship, I do not accept her physical condition and she only thinks about eating. We tried to follow a controlled diet both with the support of a nutritionist, and independently so as not to emphasize the problem, but my daughter hardly resists with the diet and then starts bingeing again. My ex-husband does not authorize the use of psychological support accusing me of being obsessed and nagging. Result: my daughter is moving further and further away, preferring to take refuge with her paternal grandmother where she can eat as much as she wants (since she was a child they conquered her with food and I was the mentally disturbed mother). I can’t find the way to go.
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The treatment of overweight in adolescence is a very delicate issue in which often, as parents, we make, albeit in good faith, a series of technical errors. I list the points that can help you to orient yourself in your treatment choices.
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The role of the doctor
It is important that overweight is defined by a third person, therefore not from the family, and in an objective way. Then take your daughter for a check-up visit to the pediatrician, who will evaluate body weight, height and body mass index and define how much the girl’s body mass index deviates from the weight considered ideal for her age. In a teenager, a family member’s definition of overweight triggers equal and opposite reactions of poor cooperation (I don’t care) or, worse, defiance (the more you tell me to eat less, the more I find ways to eat more) ; for this reason it is important that a third figure take care of it. In addition, a more objective definition protects her from judgments of the nagging mother who cares about nothing.
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Counter-reactions
There are many scientific works that correlate criticisms and negative judgments about how we are physically (you are fat, you need to lose weight or, worse, look how you have reduced, you cannot look at you), rather than the coercions on how to eat (stop eating crap or you won’t get up from the table if you haven’t eaten the vegetables), to more severe obesity situations and to a greater risk of developing an eating disorder. This is why it is important to help change not with judgments or comments, but with sharing (let’s go for a walk in the park or prepare a colorful salad or fruit salad together) and direct example (if I don’t usually eat vegetables, surely not my daughter).
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Separated parents
In the case of separated couples, it is essential that the message the daughter receives is unique and compact. Find the time to talk calmly with your husband and agree on a common line for your daughter’s life, one that leaves out all possible difficulties or misunderstandings in the couple. The daughter must clearly feel that, as far as her health is concerned, there are no gray areas like do this, but don’t tell mom (or dad).
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Specific help
When the support of the pediatrician and the family is not sufficient, evaluate with the doctor the usefulness of specific support for adolescent eating disorders, within specialized centers that deal with overweight from a multidisciplinary medical perspective , nutritional and psychological.
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18 September 2020 (change 18 September 2020 | 14:52)
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