One in four people in the Netherlands feel lonely during their holidays, according to research by the Salvation Army. How do you deal with that loneliness?
With Christmas approaching, commercials cannot be missed. The resulting nostalgia, happiness, and intimacy may be recognizable for one, while evoking feelings of loneliness in the other.
“It’s not so much that loneliness is greatest during the holidays,” says Anja Machielse, a professor of Humanism and Social Resilience at the University of Humanities. “But there may be times when loneliness takes its toll most strongly.”
Loneliness during the holidays can have various causes. “For example, if you just lost someone, it can be emotional if that person misses Christmas dinner,” says Machielse.
Even young people can feel lonely
Not only seniors can feel more alone during the holidays. According to Jeannette Rijks, an expert at the Loneliness Information Center, loneliness peaks around the age of nineteen. Rijks developed a theory and approach to loneliness from his background in psychology.
Young people can feel lonely during Christmas because, for example, it has been difficult for them to make new friends due to the coronavirus period.
“Loneliness during or after the holidays isn’t just a problem for older people,” she says. “Young people can also feel lonely during Christmas, for example because they have had difficulty making new friends or starting relationships due to the coronavirus period. When this feeling persists for a long time, it has an effect on the brain.”
Being afraid to talk to people
Another form of loneliness, which can be more evident during the holidays, is existential loneliness. “You can still have Christmas drinks or Christmas dinner with so many friends, but still feel lonely because the connection is missing,” says Machielse. “For example, because you feel like you can’t be yourself or that you don’t fit in.”
When loneliness lasts long after the holidays, it has a negative effect on the brain. “Loneliness makes you afraid to talk to other people,” Rijks says. “As a result, you may misinterpret facial expressions and experience contact with others as annoying instead of pleasurable.”
Loneliness grows stronger
This also affects hormones. “You no longer produce happiness hormones when you are in contact with others,” says Rijks. “All kinds of connections in the brain that allow you to be sociable disappear. Loneliness is strengthened.”
When you miss being together, you can always see if you can attend a Christmas dinner at the community center.
You can limit loneliness during Christmas, according to Machielse, by finding out exactly what you’re missing. “You may miss being together with the whole family,” says the professor. “You might as well miss out on a chat and shopping because everyone is indoors and everything is closed.”
Take matters into your own hands and make it negotiable
Solutions can be found for both situations. “When you miss being together, you can always see if you can attend a Christmas dinner at the community center,” says Machielse. “In case you miss running and running errands, think of another activity to keep you busy.”
Rijks points out that it’s important to take matters into your own hands and discuss loneliness before Christmas.
“Make contact ahead of time and plan something around the holidays,” says the loneliness expert. “You have to take action on your own, especially if it persists for a long time. A coach, psychologist or therapist can help you with this.”
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