The weekend was booked months ago and Tara was looking forward to it. Yet that feeling has changed as the trip approaches. “I will soon be going away for a weekend with my friends. My daughters, aged three and six, are staying at home with their father. My eldest daughter in particular is having a lot of trouble with me leaving, she is crying and says she is going to miss me. Now I feel very guilty and I am able to cancel everything. What should I do?”
Tara’s doubts don’t mean it’s a bad idea to go, says parenting coach Sophia van Splunteren. “It is not strange, and even a very good sign, that your children find it difficult to see you go and even dread this. You can see this as a nice compliment, because they like it when you are home. This can indeed express itself in sadness and perhaps also continue to say that you should not go.”
“But it is also important that you make time for yourself and do things with friends, because this will also make you a nicer and better mother. If you can fill your own bucket and do things that make you happy and give you energy, you can give this to your child. Just like on the plane, you first put on your own oxygen mask.”
Parents must learn to tolerate that their child is sad, says Van Splunteren. “Your child may be very sad that you are going, and yet you are allowed to go. It is important that her feelings are allowed to be there, do not wave them away. Be there for her, show understanding and reflect on it. Recognize that she is sad , and tell her you’ll miss her too.”
Don’t blow off
“We don’t have to solve it, for example by calling off the weekend. This avoids things that are difficult or difficult to feel, and you also give your child a signal that you cannot deal with her emotions. Your child will learn not to work through her emotions, and those are the skills she will need for the rest of her life.”
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2024-01-02 08:22:38
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