“There has been a lot of commotion in recent months. The hostage situation in Amsterdam, cross-border behaviour, the video of Lil Kleine and his girlfriend and now Russia’s invasion of Ukraine,” says Rob van der Gaag-Verheij. He is program leader of the Peaceful School, a program through which childcare and (primary) schools work on democratic citizenship. “These are big themes that also affect children.”
Children are exposed to these intense topics anyway, because the TV or radio is on, or they hear conversations at the table or see videos on social media.
Children feel emotions
How children react to these topics, of course, depends on their age, but also on how the parent reacts to the news. “Young children are super sensitive and feel the atmosphere perfectly. When parents are emotional, sad or angry, a child feels that. A child may not understand what is going on, but he does understand that something is wrong.”
“What a child needs depends on cognitive and emotional development,” says Professor Juliëtte Walma van der Molen of the University of Twente. She has done a lot of research on children and news. “Children up to the age of 6, 7 are still in the fantasy phase. They are not yet able to distinguish between fact and fiction.”
Stay away from news
Because they do not yet contain much of the real world, they take many more things for granted. That is why they believe in Sinterklaas, but also in witches and dragons. “They don’t know what war is unless they have experienced it themselves. But they can sense when their parents are worried,” says Walma van der Molen. “My advice is to keep young children away from the news. Their development is not yet focused on it.”
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Older children who already understand a little more and whose cognition is further developed also have other fears and concerns. “Children aged about 7 get out of the fantasy phase. Their fears are more focused on their own environment. For example, they are more often afraid of burglars, accidents, or the violent storm.”
They pick up on things in the news that concern them. For example, they are afraid that there could also be war here. “Children about 9 to 12 really get a wider view of the world. They gain empathy and identify with the fate of other children.”
Simple explanation
Each child has different questions. Van der Gaag-Verheij about this: “If your child asks a question about the war, try to find out what the real question is behind the question. If a child says: I saw a tank in Ukraine, ask: what exactly did you see? “Sometimes a child answers something completely different than the parent thinks. For example: that tank drove through a park and now children can’t play there anymore. Children sometimes look in a way that we as adults don’t expect.”
It is important to think from the perspective of the child’s world: what does it need? For example, does it want to be reassured? Or understand the situation better? “Don’t just tell a story about bombings and tanks, but respond to what the child asks of you. For example, start with: there are two groups, one group wants a piece of land from the other group. The other group does not think so. It’s fun and that’s why they’re mad at each other. Tell a little more each time, depending on what the child asks or can handle.”
Provide perspective
Don’t just focus on the problem, which can make a child sad, but also offer perspective. “Say, for example: great leaders are looking for a solution so that the war ends. That gives hope.” It is better not to have the conversation just before going to bed, but before going to bed. “After the conversation, do something active so that the child can step out of the emotion, such as setting the table, playing outside for a while, having a pillow fight. Something active helps to release emotions.”
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According to Van der Gaag-Verheij, it is also important to distinguish between what is happening in Ukraine and what is happening in the Netherlands. “Say, for example, that it is safe here and you can just play on the street. Make the distance transparent. For example: it is an hour’s drive to the campsite, you think that is a long time. Ukraine is 20 times as far. A child realizes then: it’s very far from us, so I’m safe here. With older children you can grab the Bosatlas and visit the country together, to make the distance clear.”
Give attention
Some kids can actually have nightmares about the news. According to Walma van der Molen, ‘about 10 to 15 percent of children get nightmares after seeing a violent news report’. “They are really scared. Then it is wise to take the fears seriously and keep the child away from the news for a while.”
What she says can also help is to do something related to the threatening situation. Collect money for children in Ukraine, make a drawing, write a letter, organize an action. “In the eyes of adults, it may not add much, but it makes children feel empowered. It also takes away worries and fears, so support your child in this.”
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