Ilona from Zoetermeer has just returned from a holiday with her children and best friend in Croatia.
“We had booked a 13-day flight. It’s that you know it’s fun and that you’ve worked hard to go on vacation, but when you’re homesick, a vacation is sometimes annoying.”
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Ilona has struggled with homesickness for years. “Especially in the morning when everyone is still asleep, I have a hard time. Then I become a bit quiet and sad. But as soon as the rest wake up, there is some commotion and we go out again to do something fun, it goes a little better again.”
To the campsite
That happens more often, says emeritus professor of clinical psychology Ad Vingerhoets. “Usually it is during those quiet moments that people suffer the most from homesickness. Then it does indeed help to look for distraction in an activity.”
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According to Vingerhoets, Ilona is certainly not the only one who suffers from homesickness as an adult.
“It is difficult to give figures, because it is not the case that you go to a psychologist with nostalgia. You usually solve it by not going on holiday or not going on holiday. I also know people with nostalgia who go to a psychologist every year for that reason. go to a campsite 30 kilometers away, and drive home every other day on the excuse of watering the plants.”
Homesickness as heartbreak
Vingerhoets sees homesickness as a ‘reactive depression’. “It can be compared to mourning or heartbreak. You are, as it were, in love with your home situation.”
Homesickness manifests itself on various levels, according to Vingerhoets. Physically you see that people often cannot sleep or eat. On an emotional level, people become passive, don’t feel like doing anything, they don’t take the initiative and can’t enjoy anything. In terms of behavior you sometimes see that people cry a lot, withdraw and no longer participate with the rest of the company. And on a cognitive level, so in your brain, homesickness can be compared to heartbreak. People are going to idealize their home situation. Home is perfect, and where they are now is not.”
Homesickness arises when people first and foremost cannot let go of the old place and are also unable to integrate into the new place. “You often see that if the first goes wrong, the second doesn’t work at all.”
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Ilona’s homesickness is not so bad that she has to cry. In fact, the longer she is at the holiday destination, the more bearable the homesickness becomes.
‘It will go down again’
“I always notice that it gets less bad as soon as the last day of the holiday comes into view. Then you realize again: I really have to enjoy it and it is special to be here. And especially if you are somewhere in the sea. is floating with a beautiful view, I am happy again and I still like being on holiday again.”
Ilona does not hide her feelings on vacation. “I’m very comfortable with that, if I feel it, I say it right away. Two of my children also suffer from it sometimes, so they understand and then say: come on mom, it will go down again. And that’s right.”
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It’s nice to talk about it, she says. “It’s nice when someone takes your feelings seriously, but also shows you that it’s temporary. Because the fact that I’m homesick doesn’t mean that I don’t like the whole holiday, but that I just have a less pleasant moment . And there’s nothing wrong with that.”
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Homesickness? ‘Try a paracetamol’
Talking about your homesickness is always a good idea, says Vingerhoets. Distraction can also help, as can bring something from home, such as a pillow or hug. But he has another, notable tip.
“A while ago I received a call from a woman. She really wanted to go to Norway with her husband for three weeks, but he was always so homesick that he couldn’t. I then advised her to give her husband the maximum amount of paracetamol. swallow to counter the effects of homesickness.”
Or that worked? “During the holiday I already received an email that things were going much better. Every now and then the homesickness flared up, but if he took a paracetamol, it went well again.”
How can this be? “A while ago, an American study showed that paracetamol can help with heartbreak. Research has been done with a group of students with heartbreak. One group had to take a daily dose of paracetaol, the other group received a placebo. In the end it turned out that the group those who took the paracetamol felt better than the group that received the placebo.”
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‘A week is more than enough’
Whether Ilona is already looking forward to the next trip despite her homesickness? “We had a wonderful holiday, only next time I won’t go so long. A week is more than enough.”
The highlight of the holiday was to come home, she says. “Finally my own shower and my own bed again. Blessed! I could almost cry that I was back home.”
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