Have you just given birth and suddenly find your partner annoying. Maybe it’s your partner’s voice that suddenly gets under your skin. Maybe it’s the way he chews his food. And just maybe it’s just the fact that he’s your partner. Whatever it is, you’re not alone. Many new mothers suddenly find their partners infuriating.
Just gave birth
“I’m just so tired,” I said to my husband, as I staggered over to the kitchen table and carefully sat down. The pain of childbirth still felt fresh. And the demands of an extremely hungry baby left me feeling hungover all the time.
“I’m tired too,” he said.
He shouldn’t have said that! Those words infuriated me.
So mad!
I felt a hot glow rise from my hips. I got up, I was furious and speechless. My teeth were like magnets, but my words were stronger and it popped right out.
He was tired? HE was tired? I did not see his breasts swell and leak milk! I have not seen him walking around with a mattress between his legs. What could he be tired of now? The one time he woke up and handed the baby in?
I threw the food aside (which he made by the way) and I then let him know that I was the one who had the right to be tired.
blood irritant
And there it was, I found my partner annoying. Blood irritating itself.
The transition from bliss to a battlefield was swift. For some absurd reason, it felt like now was the time to keep score. I began to compare all the work. From doing the laundry to giving vitamin D drops. And, of course, I felt like I was handling most of the household chores and the baby.
But whatever he did, and that was quite a lot in itself, he didn’t do it right in my eyes. I had a very short fuse.
In retrospect, I think it’s terrible that it happened this way. I would have loved to sit on such a pink cloud together, but instead, I was constantly pushing him off a bridge.
Perfectly normal
But this feeling of finding your partner annoying right after you give birth seems to be completely normal. The early weeks with the baby, during which there is little sleep, lead to bouts of irrational grumpiness and irritation. And yes, a few crying spells too.
So why is it that your partner is the victim of your bad mood? That’s simple; it’s damn easy to use your partner as a verbal punching bag. When you’re frustrated, it’s easier to yell at another adult in the house than at a child.
But why are you so grumpy after giving birth and why is your partner so annoying? Why don’t you sit comfortably on that pink cloud, which everyone promises you? Unfortunately, those are the myths of motherhood. Women often think things like ‘I should be able to do this all by myself’ of ‘I love my baby anyway, why should I need a break.
For a mother who has just given birth, it is important to change that mindset. You don’t have to do everything alone, and parenting isn’t a score-keeping competition.
And yes, dads can be tired too.
Tips to find your partner a little less annoying
As you know deep down, most irritations are not about your partner at all. The irritations start with you. So before you go wild on your partner, ask yourself the following questions.
1. Sleep deprived?
A night of undisturbed sleep, you can hardly imagine what that must feel like. But don’t underestimate the need for a good night’s sleep! Sleep deprivation makes you do, think and say things you never imagined before. So to find your partner a little less annoying, there is nothing else to do… You have to go to bed and sleep well.
2. Hydration
Believe it or not, dehydration not only causes irritability, but can lead to serious ones health complaints! So are you drinking enough? Or maybe this causes you to be less tolerant of your partner? Especially if you are breastfeeding, you really have to make sure that you drink enough water. For example, make it a habit to keep a glass of water nearby and drink it when the baby is breastfeeding.
3. Communicate
When you have just given birth, there are a lot of changes in your life. Talking to your partner (even if your partner is annoying) remains important. Communicate about your needs and desires. Especially if you feel like you are doing everything alone. Sometimes a simple question to your partner is, “Wow could you change the diaper sometime?” enough to prevent irritation. Because yes, he is happy to change that diaper if you ask him.
4. Time for yourself
Although many moms find this a difficult one, taking time for yourself is really important to keep doing it! And what that is, is up to you. One loves to have her nails done, while the other likes to drink a cup of coffee with a friend.
5. Get help
If you continue to be grumpy and irritable for more than a few weeks after giving birth, you should probably talk to your doctor. Usually, the irritations towards your partner decrease after a few weeks after giving birth. But women with postpartum depression often experience severe mood swings or extreme sadness for much longer.
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