Just in time for the much talked about big party that Prime Minister Ulf Kristersson is holding at the expense of his subjects to celebrate his 60th birthday, he is here given a eulogy by SMB’s columnist Mattias Goldmann. Among other things, the Prime Minister is advised to now step into his robe of truth – because it is in the Truth Bag in the Sagerska palatset…?
CHRONICLE You think it’s a security threat when environmentalists sing, and as far as I’m concerned, you may actually be right. So I say as in the Riksdag minutes: The spoken word applies.
The first time I really listened to you, and not just involuntarily heard, was when you talked about climate to the students at Handels. In case you were to stake your claim, the moderates’ climate spokesperson at the time, Maria Malmer Stenegård, was there – those were the days – but she didn’t get an awl in the air. You were brilliant, you were good, you owned – and moderates like that.
That’s a side of you that only those who get to come to the most private of your parties get to see these days, Ulf. It is as if you are saving the climate as a winning issue for your successor, Christofer Fjellner. Or that you waited until now. Because turning 60 means not having to care anymore. You have reached the top now, Ulf. Sweden leads, has led the entire EU. Everything after this is retreat posts – except possibly EU commissioner, but that will be Ebba. So drive right into the tile, Ulf.
Put on the suit of truth now!
Your wife Birgitta has revealed that on your holiday trip you brought an essentials bag with a dark suit and a white shirt. I believe that somewhere in Sagerska palatset you have a bag of truth, with a robe of truth that you now wear both in the second half of your life and term of office.
We will like the real Uffe better, I think. The one who uses “It’s serious for real” for things like is serious for real. Like respecting concluded agreements, be it with the UN, the EU or the survivors of the extermination camps. Like kicking up, not down. Not deciding that the assistant nurse must leave the country, but that the bully must leave the government documents.
Those favorite phrases you constantly use – “it’s so obvious” is another – make us underestimate your communicative brilliance. Just take this 60th anniversary celebration, where of course the bill eventually arrives and then we all say it wasn’t much to argue about.
Say the party cost half a million. Some are happy and no one is affected. Your reduced tax on fossil fuels costs more than that – every hour of the day, all year until we reach seven billion. And then we’re only talking about the one petrol tax cut, the one that was eaten the next day. The other is just as big, and as with the employment tax deductions, there will probably be more before you’re done. Some are happy, but very many are affected; Swedes, the rest of the world, now alive and those after us. But the focus is on the silly party note. Nice spin, Uffe.
Uruguay tops the solar and wind power league
There was also a lot of whining about your birthday trip, despite that Essentials Bag. Strange that the same people who used to say that Jimmie is in charge now suddenly thought that you must be at home and run the country. How will they feel?
Uruguay as a destination was brilliant – talk about getting the upper hand against the deep fake moderates now. Because there is the world’s fastest increase in electricity from solar and wind and Uruguay has not even paid for itself. They just auctioned off the rights with twenty year contracts. Even better – Sweden is included because it says ABB on the equipment. How it all started? With a project from the Energy Agency. The Swedish. The thing about “honoured your name flew over the earth”, if we’re going to sing something now, it’s actually not that long ago.
Argentina was equally brilliant. There you can see how it goes when xenophobic populists gain power. Very sorry, Señor Ulf. At the after-party when the whiskey arrives, you can share some stories, and instead of the liberals toasting the Sweden Democrats, you can toast our common Sweden. You are sixty now. You are the adult in the room, Ulf. Now you take it from here, become who you want to be and who we need you to be. Congratulations to you and – if you want – congratulations to all of us.
