There is this Damianodeimaneskin, Damianodeimaneskin by profession, engaged to a vaginal poetess by profession who is engaged to what Damianodeimaneskin does, and who even if he sees his mother throws himself at her like an angel. The image consultants explained to him that it’s called “stage diving” and it’s a very rock thing, even copying the costumes of others is very rock, for example showing up in garters and rafts like Frank n Furter from Rocky Horror, so much the tiktoker they don’t even know who he is, then to say that it’s all original stuff, branded X and Y, the image consultants take care of it.
Damianodeimaneskin is like 23 or so, he has never done a song in his life, more than anything else he has cloned the poses of others, but then the leccacula print thinks about it to say that it is all original stuff, vintage but original, glam, rock, true rock never dies. Then there is someone who plays the guitar a bit, his name is Steve Vaishe is 62 years old and if you want to see how she is doing I suggest a video on Youtube where she performs with Frank ZappaRome 1982, the piece is Stevie’s Spanking, the Moustached Master did not like allusions – after all, he has always been “harder than your husband”. Steve, when he was the same age as Damianodeimaneskin, introduced himself to Zappa who was trembling but managing to reproduce his most complicated solos, which for a guitarist was like playing Bach’s Well-Tempered Clavier as a boy.
He had already written to Frank, attaching the musical transcriptions of some particularly abstruse compositions including that Black Page # 2 which remains perhaps the least executable score in the world, stuff to terrify even a Nagano, a Boulez. And Zappa had summoned him. And at the end of the “Okay, you’re in” audition she had snorted in a cloud of smoke, unperturbed: and being sampled by the Baltimore Greek-Sicilian was in itself a life-changing experience, if you survived.
Yes, okay, but do you want to put Damianodeimaneskin with attached vaginal poetess? With that other one, unfortunately with a reputation as a bassist, that she pulls out her tongue and entertains us about her sapphic loves of hers? With those other two standing there parking, at least until show business decides that Damianodeimaneskin has to go his way, he has to grow up, and then he will become Damianosenzaimaneskin? While we wait in anguish, war can wait, famine too, let’s go back to Steve Vai. After Zappa continued on his behalf and today he is a high priest of the super-virtuous guitar (but he also plays with Dweezyl, Frank’s son), and as such he was interviewed by Carlo Melato for Truth. What does Stevie say? You say that no, rock is not dead, far from it, that the technical level is constantly updated, that there are many promising young people.
A Jedi warrior, he aptly calls Melato. Fresh from a couple of orthopedic operations, hand and shoulders, because even warriors age: but they don’t give up (if one sees what Mick Jagger was able to do on Monday evening at San Siro, at 32 degrees, after a week with Covid, at the dawn of 79, you feel like shit at any age). You may not like it, his hyper-technical, supersonic guitar playing is not for everyonehimself among the tutelary deities cites, apart from the obligatory Zappa, Jimmy Page, Jeff Beck, Brian May (whom Zappa particularly appreciated), however, here, down the hat: among other things he is of a disconcerting humility, he could show up on television and tell 8 billion people: none of you know how to do what I do with a guitar in your hands, and instead you worry about something else.
Stevie in its simplicity has encouraging words, we said, for music, rock, guitar and its performers. With Melato you also indulge in specialized considerations, stuff for connoisseurs, but what you count here is that, among the names of the new enlistment of performers, you mention Italian Matteo Mancuso, a young Sicilian jazz player (look a bit) known only by a small circle of connoisseurs; but yet Vai defines it as “pure talent”one who “is carrying on the evolution of the instrument both in sound and in technique: it is magnificent”. As for the Maneskin: “No, I’m sorry: I don’t know them”. Like this, out of suddeness.
Surely he is lying, how can you not know who Damianodeimaneskin is? Perhaps he ignores, Steve Vai, who is the virtuoso of stage diving? How does he plunge into mommy’s arms, no one ever? Who wears stockings like Amber Heard doesn’t? Steve is just a rosicone, mind you, an old man, one who should go to TikTok so he makes a culture. Because he doesn’t understand shit about music and we don’t really talk about rock. Who does he think he is, just because he found out that guy, what’s his name, Frank Zappa? Carlo Melato should also have pointed this out to him, but we know that information is enslaved, it’s all main stream and someone who is really out of the system, like Damianodeimaneskin, is outrageously censored. Because he is really uncomfortable and then they leave no room for him. He is rock.
Max Del Papa, June 23, 2022
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