BVIEvery week, Geert Hoste (63) gives his own unique and ironic view of the world in ‘Dag Allemaal’.
It won’t go smoothly like this. Belgium will win the Eurovision Song Contest even sooner than the Russians will. All kinds of bullshit make us afraid of the Russians. Ever since I was in primary school, and that was during the height of the Cold War, it has been ‘Better a rocket in the garden than a Russian in the kitchen’. That golden anniversary is long gone. There are now more Russians living in Antwerp than in Kiev. You can get from Moscow to Deurne Airport faster than from the Left Bank through the Kennedy Tunnel. The Russians drive modern cars in the Low Emission Zone, because only Walloon communists still drive a Lada. ‘Nice people, those Russians’, I hear them say in the diamond. Russians pay for sturgeon. And just to be clear, not yakut butter, but with American dollarski. Hand in cash. You won’t hear comrades Tom Meeuws or Conner Rousseau say a swear word about that. Vladje is a sweetheart! Boris, come touch my… I can’t immediately find a rhyming word.
It won’t go smoothly like this. The Russians don’t want to go to Ghent because their electric cars are too wide and then they risk a fine. They don’t dare go to Brussels, because maneuvering through our capital is more difficult than through a Ukrainian swamp. Brussels has long been divided into 19 war zones by political parties and other gangs from Marseille, Kinshasa, Tangiers and Lubbeek. And they do not affect the rest of Flanders, because farmers occupy the intersections, entrances and exits and entrances and exits. The Russian generals will think twice now that they have seen the fighting power of the Flemish farmers. Flemish plowshares are forged weapons! Even general Bart De Wever wants to involve the farmers in his War on Drugs. Because during the occupation of his port, not a gram of cocaine could be smuggled into the country.
Our military leadership, NATO and the same experts who missed the mark in their comments about the war in Crimea, now want Belgium to buy more weapons and for our boys to spontaneously report as reservists. A beautiful wish. They better write a letter to Bart Peeter and Gloria Monserez from ‘De Droomfabriek’. For a moment I wanted to write ‘or call Maaike Cafmeyer’, but no man dares to do that anymore.
And speaking of Inspector Chantal Vantomme: the last time I met a Russian, he said ‘da’ and ‘njet’. In other words: he spoke West Flemish more fluently than our king.
READ ALSO
COLUMN. Geert Hoste about his struggles with Proximus: “Their solution? I had to move… to my own address”
COLUMN. Geert Hoste about ‘spontaneity’ of King Philip: “Hollywood can already start engraving Oscar for Natural”
Free unlimited access to Showbytes? Which can!
Log in or create an account and never miss anything from the stars.
Yes, I want free unlimited access
2024-02-25 12:00:18
#COLUMN #Geert #Hoste #Russian #threat #wont #affect #Flanders #farmer #protests
