When her husband Thomas became ill with cancer in 2015, the family of five had hopes that he would become cancer-free. But ten months before his death, they were told he was not going to survive.
Thomas and his wife Mette Bording Nybo began to prepare for his death.
– We had conversations about many things. We made everything ready until he died, she tells Dagbladet
One of the things they talked about was that Mette should not be alone, but find a new boyfriend.
– Ten months before we knew he was going to die. We prepared the children and ourselves for it.
For 20 years they were together. She tells Dagbladet that they actually met at Ryfylke Folkehøgskole in Stavanger in 1996.
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– The right time
In 2019, Thomas died. Seven weeks after her husband died, she took a chance on the dating app Tinder.
– There are many who think it was fast, but one must remember that we had mourned for a long time. When a person dies, a person you have been with all the time, you notice it every second. It is intense and violent to miss the man I shared my life with.
At the same time, she felt that she had a lot of life in her after her husband’s death, she tells the Danish newspaper BT.
– I think it was the relief that he had left here in such a good way. For I had feared how it would happen. With all the energy I had in me, I thought this must be the right time to meet a new man.
Went on Tinder date
On Tinder, she found a man she was dating. The date resulted in a relationship.
– He is a human being who lives in the now and sees me now. A person who gives a lot of care and finds joy in supporting me. It makes sense for him to be my rock. I can stand on my own again, but he was and is a support for me.
Mette, who works as a teacher at Viborg Cathedral School, has written two books.
The first, “Live Strongly – Die Beautifully”, is about how the family coped with the illness, that Thomas should die and about taking grief in advance, while the second “Fear not – just love” is about how to grasp life after a loss.
But when she said in an interview that she had found love seven weeks after her husband died, there were several who reacted.
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Was surprised
The article was shared on BT’s Facebook page, and in the comments section there were a number of hateful comments. It writes the newspaper itself, which refers to four examples:
“She is shameless!”
“Well, there are more bad conditions than good – this is just one of the bad, and so what…”
“Not long to mourn over the deceased man, it must be said…”
“Not much thought is given to children’s grief here.”
Mette tells BT that she was surprised that you as a survivor can not seek love without being condemned.
– There were people who did not understand and did not respect it. Not all the comments were vicious, but they made me think. You have to limit yourself and think about it, says Mette to Dagbladet.
– The negative comments proved to me that it was important to stand up and say that you are welcome to seek love and that other people should be careful what they say, because it can limit the bereaved and force them to loneliness, she continues.
She did not let the comments affect her, but those about her children went deeper.
– My husband has talked to the children about me finding a new husband. Therefore, they were aware of it. They have not doubted my love for Thomas. I was looking for another man who could support me so that my children could be free. So they did not have to comfort me.
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