“I am concerned about the children who are now growing up with the constant message that touching outside of their own family should be limited as much as possible,” says educationalist Simone Mark.
From the moment children go to school, they learn to consciously deal with different ways of connecting with others. They give the teacher a high five or hand when they enter the classroom, hug each other when scoring a goal and are improved during swimming lessons.
Core of contact
But nowadays you go to school at home, sports clubs are closed, swimming lessons have been postponed. “While that pat on the back from the teacher is just so important”, says Mark. “The child feels seen and is motivated to continue. It promotes the relationship between the child and the teacher. That reinforcement is the core of the contact that we are now missing.”
Mark has a lot of contact with teachers and hears from them that every teacher does things differently. “The younger teachers do often have contact with the children, older teachers who are more at risk for corona keep their distance for fear of becoming ill.”
After the first lockdown, RTL Nieuws visited a primary school that reopened. The students were allowed to enter again with quite a few adjustments. Only cuddling with the teacher was not allowed yet. Watch the video below:
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Establishing relationships
With a loving touch, our brain produces oxytocin, the hugging or happiness hormone. Children get this not only through the touch of their parents, but also through a hug from a friend or a pet. Oxytocin can not only make you feel good, but also reduce stress.
“By touching different people you learn how to enter into a social relationship with others”, says Anouk Keizer. She is an experimental psychologist at Utrecht University. Since corona she has been researching the effect of touch on people’s mental and physical well-being.
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Exercise for later
In adolescents, the contact moments with each other take place during breaks at school, after school and in between hours. Friends walking hand in hand or hugging each other. That hanging and chilling for adolescents is important according to Keizer.
“Younger children get a lot of hugs from their parents at home or are taken on their lap. Adolescents touch their parents less, but the need for positive physical contact is there, so they look for that touch with friends. interact with each other in adult life. “
Different than for corona
Still, Keizer is not much concerned about the lack of touch outside the family. “Children are flexible, especially small children. Young children do not yet have a standard of what is normal and go along with what they see around them, they will find that normal.”
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The fact that they no longer have to go around the circle on a birthday to shake hands with everyone may well become the new normal. “Adults have learned to shake hands or kiss three as a means of communication, but how bad is it if we don’t do that anymore? It is important to teach children to greet others, but that can also be done by looking and waving for example. shaking hands will come later. “
Cuddly children
In addition, according to Keizer, it differs per child how much touch it needs. Some children need a hug more than others. “It is especially important for parents to estimate what needs your child has and that you teach your child to follow their own feelings. They must learn to indicate: this is what I would like and here I draw the line.”
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Carolina de Weerth, professor of psychobiology at Radboudumc, knows all about early development in children. According to her, touching is part of the basic care for children, just like feeding. Still, according to her, we don’t have to worry too much.
“There are cultures where there is more and less physical contact. For example, Hispanic children grow up with more skin-to-skin contact and affective touch than other cultures. And yet children in all cultures grow up to be healthy, mature people.”
Family is mainstay
The family, this lockdown is an important mainstay for children. “With good bonding and a pleasant atmosphere, parents pull the children through. Later, those children have little difficulty in dealing with intimacy or comforting a girlfriend. I think a year and a half of society has little influence on their development.”
This is the case with children who do not have a warm relationship with their parents. According to all three women, this can have an effect. De Weerth: “Children who are struggling at home and who have little physical contact may have difficulty establishing social contacts at a later age. Positive contact outside the family is extremely important for those children.”
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