Fired employee ends birth gift – Chicago Tribune

Dear Amy: I work in a department of about 20 people.

Recently, “Jo” was fired.

I don’t know all the circumstances, but I was told there was a ’cause’. Since then, many of us have stayed in touch with Jo, sympathizing and offering our support.

Meanwhile, my coworker, “Hannah,” is having her first child.

A group of us got together to get her a present.

Today, the person who arranged the gift received a text from Jo, asking him to return her contribution towards the baby’s gift.

We’ve already refunded Jo’s contribution (about $20), but most of us think that asking for money back for a baby gift is trivial and even a little petty.

Hannah had nothing to do with Jo getting fired, and I know Jo and Hannah were close at work. Jo had even signed the card before she left and she had written Hannah a very nice message, one that Hannah won’t see as we all think we should replace the card now!

The whole incident changed many people’s opinion about Jo. Some people are having second thoughts about giving references for Jo for this reason.

Was Jo irrelevant or should we give this person some slack?

– Perplexed presenter

Dear Perplexed: My first thought is that “Jo” is in a spiral and may suddenly be very worried about finances. It’s not necessarily rational for Jo to believe that asserting that $20 will significantly affect outcome, yet when your work situation has suddenly changed, the immediate choices aren’t always rational.

My next thought is that Jo is hurt and bitter. Wounded plus bitter equals mean. And yes, this person’s meanness is irrelevant. Meanness always is.

Naturally, this will affect your opinion of your former co-worker, yet my experience tells me that you will almost never regret giving someone a break, especially when they are hurt and misbehaving. .

Think of it this way: Once you grant release, you can always “release” later, depending on the person’s subsequent behavior.

When offering a job reference, you should only comment on your specific knowledge of that person’s job performance.

I’m not sure why Jo was fired, but to use this episode as a reason to decline a recommendation would, in my opinion, be just as petty.

Dear Amy: A close cousin of mine just got her first dog (after living as a cat).

I am very happy for my cousin as honestly this puppy is downright adorable, well behaved and cute all around.

When she first got the dog, we were having a picnic outside and she asked if she could bring her puppy. Naturally, we said yes. Her puppy charmed everyone and the visit went very well. Afterwards, we held another (very small) event on our porch. The puppy showed up and once again the visit went quite smoothly.

We are planning to have our first large indoor get together since he got the dog.

We don’t want to set a precedent where the puppy is automatically included in every event, but – we don’t know how to go back.

Your suggestions?

– Unsure

Dear Uncertain: Like many people, I’ve acquired a “pandemic puppy” – just as adorable and a real crowd-pleaser. And while my dog ​​is of the portable variety and has been welcomed by others, I guess any guest’s preference is not to have a visit with the dog. I know because I wouldn’t welcome a guest’s dog to an indoor gathering.

You will have to train your cousin. Just say, “We appreciate your dog, but since we’re having a larger indoor gathering this time, we hope you can leave the puppy home safely.”

People who have adorable dogs sometimes seem to have a blind spot when it comes to the people in their lives. Your cousin may insist that her dog won’t be a problem. You will need to be firm and say, “This time it won’t work for us. »

Dear Amy: “To Tell or Not” asked whether to disclose the sexual abuse she experienced as a child to a potential long-term partner.

My wife could have written this letter 40 years ago when we were dating.

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The first six years of our marriage were extremely difficult because I couldn’t understand why he was holding back emotionally.

With the eventual help of a good therapist, she was able to share this vital part of her life.

Of course, I feel sorry for her. As a result of this knowledge and trust, we have had a strong, loving, and extraordinary marriage.

– Grateful husband

Dear Grateful: I am so moved by your account. Thank you.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @akingmy or Facebook.)

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