Jānis Rīnkis
13:32 on September 17, 2023
Both men and women increasingly choose to search for their relationship partners on the Internet. There are several reasons for this, but the main one is the lack of time and the relatively wide opportunities offered by the digital age and various dating sites. One of those who chose to follow this path is Jānis Riņķis – an energetic man at the age of 42, who works as a public relations specialist every day, but spends his free time looking for a life partner and is passionate about painting.
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Jānis has no children, but has a dog, had two marriages, during which the relationship lasted for eight and three years. On the other hand, there was a five-year “dating” phase between them. Now Jānis is again looking for a girlfriend and therefore agreed to share the experience he gained from dating on the Internet, writing letters and, of course, meeting potential relationship partners in real life.
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Answering this question, Jānis thinks. He does not believe that dating at the age of 35-45 is somehow better. No! Rather, there is a different trend when it comes to women. Many ladies at this age already have some relationship experience, so some of them (and this is not such a rare phenomenon) tend to stick together one “ideal man” from the character traits of several previous partners, which they then diligently search for. The idea might not be so bad, if only such a character could exist in nature. Because it often turns out that the “ideal man” and the requirements set for him are objectively unfulfillable for the simple reason that this “Frankenstein” consists of people with opposite character traits.
In this respect, young people are said to be more ready to accept each other, change, adapt, search for their ideal person without prejudice. The more experienced a person is, the more these prejudices exist, which only complicates the search for a partner.
“Men’s thinking is a bit different in this respect – if women are more looking for a “dream image”, then men are more likely to look for “mines” or “underwater rocks”. They also already have experience, there has been an abuser or a cheater, so it seems that they will all be like that… However, I would like to think that women are not exactly the same, and each subsequent one cannot answer for the insults caused by one of the previous ones. This, in turn, is something that we, men, have to learn to overcome,” says Jānis.
Jānis says that, in his opinion, it is very important to meet and talk, because a virtual image is not enough to understand what the other person is like. On the other hand, any dating requires an investment – time, energy, and money. But now, both men and women often agree that the first date does not necessarily have to be with flowers, a restaurant, etc. The first date is often short to get a first impression.
“I believe that one date is objectively not enough, because when meeting for the first time, there will always be some anxiety, also each of the parties wants to appear better than they are in reality. People usually want to run and buy as many of those “lottery” tickets as possible, but maybe we have already met the real one, we just haven’t been able to recognize him or properly evaluate him at the first moment?” the man wonders.
Here, Jānis starts to laugh and says that he is ready to share the story about women with “horribly sick” children. As the weekend approaches, mostly free people become more active, texting each other more, trying to arrange meetings during the holidays. However, there is such a strange trend – the closer the meeting is, the more often ladies “children get sick”. Right or a miracle! And what is interesting is that those children become the “sickest” precisely on Saturday mornings, when they should have met in a few hours.
“It’s so obvious and ridiculous… Of course, all kinds of things happen. If something really happened, the woman usually apologizes, reschedules the appointment, looks for options, but if the child’s “illness” is used only as an argument not to go to the appointment, it is usually quickly dismissed without further explanation.”
Men are also not left with an answer, because they have found their own solution to deal with such situations: “Usually 3-4 dates are arranged on holidays, because then it is already a sure thing that at least one will succeed. We know women come up with reservations at the last minute, so that’s how we do it. However, I would invite the ladies to find other, polite ways to cancel the date (at least by telling the truth that they don’t want to go), because otherwise you get the feeling that all Latvian children are “horribly sick”. On the other hand, their mothers, who have used the child’s health problems as an excuse at work, think that the same arguments will work perfectly for dating as well. Unfortunately, this is not the case, because men see everything and understand perfectly.”
Therefore, you have to consider the other person and their time. Both sides.
The most important quality that Jānis looks for in ladies during virtual dating is intelligence. It is nice to correspond with smart women. It is often seen that ladies indicate in their profiles that men who do not know basic grammar should not contact them. Jānis can say the same about himself – he also likes it when it is felt that a woman knows how to use punctuation marks. True, this is not the most important criterion, because when writing in a hurry, mistakes can happen to everyone.
“Any virtual correspondence that ends in a real meeting is pleasant, because then you realize that you have created interest in a woman, and she wants to meet. On the other hand, it is not so pleasant if the correspondence takes a long time, if I feel that the woman has simply found in me “hearing virtual ears” that amuse and listen. It’s a waste of time,” says Jānis.
In the past, couples often met at workplaces, at universities – during their studies, but now so many work and study remotely that these opportunities have significantly decreased. Even for Jānis himself, despite working in the field of communication, his work is mostly remote. Therefore, only the Internet remains.
“I don’t use Tinder, I use two platforms – Otrapuse.lv and Facebook Dating. Each dating platform has its pros and cons. For example, “Facebook” is good in that you can determine very accurate data by which partners are selected, for example, you can immediately indicate that you are not interested in people who smoke with children, moreover, the profiles of people there are real, but it is not possible to send photos or voice messages there. therefore correspondence is slower.”
What can be concluded if a person avoids posting his photo on a dating site? “It is an unwritten rule – if a man or woman is without a picture, then he or she is in a relationship or marriage and is looking for an opportunity to go “to the left”. Of course, this is not always the case, because sometimes ladies, tired of men, simply remove the picture to avoid excessive attention. True, not all of them know that in this way they give the “green light” to married brunch hunters.”
Let him tell the story himself! “I don’t have strict criteria or requirements. However, would prefer a younger woman without children. True, I am well aware that there are very few such women in the age group I am thinking about. Therefore, in general, I try not to be too critical, because in the past, ladies have treated me critically and sometimes even very ugly, precisely because of my appearance (I was significantly rounder). I don’t want to answer the same. However, what should be noted is that I don’t believe in pictures, you need a real meeting. I once had a case where I didn’t really like the lady after the picture, but we met and in person she was very charming and interesting, that in the end there were “horns in the mud of love”.
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The first and most important thing is mutual acceptance, that is, that the other person is ready to accept me as I am, because it is already very difficult to change at this age. Of course, I myself must be ready to accept a woman as she is. And undoubtedly the most important thing is that we have enough time to spend together. If I meet a woman who works three jobs and is a mother of two small children, and in addition to doing sports and traveling in her spare time, I am not sure that she will even have time for a serious relationship. I don’t want to be one “dot” out of twenty-seven on the to-do list…”
John has more to say. Therefore, the continuation will follow in another article.
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2023-09-17 10:45:52
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