“According to my mother, I was never a cuddler, and even with my old friends I didn’t want any of that banter. They really didn’t have to sit next to me on the couch, or hold my hand in the street. That clingy thing I just didn’t have to. Kissing wasn’t necessary either.
With my ex, we were together for eleven years, I only kissed in the beginning. We still had sex then, but there were also plenty of times when I closed my onesie up to my neck, and sometimes deliberately went to bed at half past nine, so that he wouldn’t pick at me in bed. I liked it, but I just didn’t like that fiddling.”
“We sometimes had words about that, yes. That he felt rejected, and that he also had his needs. I understood that, but I couldn’t force something that I didn’t feel? I couldn’t give him what he wanted did him a disservice in my eyes, and in his too. But it was not intentional. Kissing quickly felt dirty. I preferred sex to be short and sweet. Ultimately he fell in love with someone else. How sad I was that I thought so too, I could understand it.”
Fireworks
“Five years ago I bumped into Jean-Pierre. He was a sales manager at the software company where I worked and asked me out. I laughed it off. ‘No polonaise for me!’ I shouted. But he persisted and convinced me that a nice dinner really couldn’t hurt.
He was right and to my own surprise, after the fourth dinner I hoped he would kiss me. He didn’t. It wasn’t until the sixth evening – I had stayed up until 1 a.m. – that he asked if I wanted a kiss. It was fireworks. Really. I didn’t know what happened to me. The moment his lips touched mine, a warm wave rolled through my body, from the top of my head to my toes.”
“And still. We have been together for five years now, we have been sharing a house for two years now, and with every kiss I am drawn to him like a magnet. I, Lieke, the woman who didn’t like anything soggy, now crawl every evening close to my husband. Sit next to him in a restaurant instead of across from him and even hold his hand in the car.
When Jean-Paul touches me, I glow. And I can never get enough of kissing. Neither does he. I was always such a sour Grinch, thought attraction and pheromones were the cashcows before Hollywood movies, but now I know better. It really exists. I even enjoy going to the garbage with him. Even after five years.”
Slap my ass
“Since we’ve been living together, it hasn’t become less, rather more. When he walks into the room in his gray sweatpants and white T-shirt, I want to feel him. Soft and warm as he is. And when I walk past him to make tea, he slaps me on the ass. I love it.
Jean-Paul and I let each other know throughout the day that we like each other, even without saying anything. That’s completely new to me. My parents never treated each other like that at home, and neither did I in my previous relationship. But it appears to suit me particularly well now.”
“Affection is love. Communication. A relationship is not only agreeing to be together, but also letting the other person feel that you love being in his or her company. Sex is nice, but love is in the little things A hand on my back when we are waiting at the bakery, a kiss on my shoulder when I step out of the shower.”
Kissing as a primary need
“In that sense, I am happy that my ex fell in love with someone else. Also for him. I think I could have easily continued our ‘marriage of convenience’ for years to come, but then I would have missed this. Whether he has the warmth and I don’t know if he has the intimacy he was looking for. We still see each other occasionally, but we don’t discuss these kinds of things.
Sometimes I want to tell him: I finally understand what he meant. Intimacy, and especially good, sweet, and delicious kissing, is indeed a primary need if you want to keep your relationship interesting and your life flourishing.”
Wanted: Love Lessons
For the Love Lessons section on RTL News Lifestyle we are looking for beautiful, vulnerable, funny, inspiring and honest love lessons. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with your hand in your own bosom. In the end, did you turn out to be the one with a fear of commitment? Should you never have emigrated for love or did a blended family prove to be an illusion after all? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you all about it. You can tell anonymously. Email to: hanneke.mijnster@rtl.nl.
2024-02-21 11:49:23
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