Iris (51): “I have a date this weekend. With a man I met through Second Love. If it clicks, that is exactly what he will become: my second love. And my first love knows about it. I think it’s so special that my husband gives me the opportunity to find a boyfriend. He knows I want more excitement in my life. He himself has no need for that, but he allows me that pleasure. Also because he will ultimately enjoy it more. When I feel free to be who I am and do what I like, I am also happier and happier at home. Of course he notices that, also in the bedroom.
Monogamous
I tried to be monogamous during the first years of our relationship, but that didn’t make me happy. All that suppression of my desires made me passive in bed. Listless. And I don’t quite manage to stick to the rules. When my husband found out that I had cheated on him, he was very sorry. Even if I had only kissed someone, it would have hurt him. He had the idea that sex and love belong together and if I had sex with someone else I would have less feeling for him.
There are now so many people around us who do things differently, have an open relationship or are polyamorous, that he has started to think differently about it. He now sees that I am different from him. I like hunting, excitement and contact. That has nothing to do with my love for him. That still trumps everything. He is the foundation for me. Without him I would feel really unhappy. That is why it is such a blessing that we have now discovered that I can maintain my relationship with him, while occasionally doing something exciting with someone else.
Honest and open
It also makes me proud that I’m honest about my dates. On Second Love I am one of the few. The men who approach me all do so secretly. I find that so sad. Apparently they feel no room at home to express what they need. While that is precisely so important. In any case, the fact that I am honest has brought us a lot of connection and even more love. And it also provides more fireworks in the bedroom. Everything flows into my body again and that makes me want to have sex.
Sometimes I let my husband read messages or share my doubts, but I also say it if I really like someone. That took some getting used to at first, of course, but now we can talk about it quite easily. My husband can sometimes also give me tips on what to say or wear on a date. He even gave me condoms, I think that’s so sweet.
Those men on Second Love can’t share all this at home. They are all dissatisfied with their sex lives, but don’t talk about it. Instead, they look for someone on a dating site. And if it does happen, it means only texting during office hours and making excuses when you want to see each other.
Openness and connection
When I say that my husband knows about it, those men are very shocked. Especially when I say that the intention is for them to get to know him eventually. They find that terrifying. I do not get that; When things get serious with someone, I like it when my husband also has some perspective. They don’t have to become friends, but having a cup of coffee at the kitchen table seems nice to me.
I also wish those men that kind of openness and connection. And I just hope that I inspire them a little by sharing my story with them. That also applies to the man I am going to see this afternoon. I think it would be nice to build something with him, but I would prefer if he tells his wife about us and he will have a more pleasant time at home. If there is still room for a second love, that would be nice. But first love is ultimately the most important.”
Would you also like to share your bedroom secret with us? Please email to [email protected]. Anonymous is also allowed!
October 1, 2023
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2023-10-01 10:00:00
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