Anecdotes prepared from the magazine “Vakara Ziņas”.
The husband is engrossed in his smartphone during lunch. Wife:
– Mom called.
– That’s good!
– I should buy my daughter a new jacket!
– Let’s buy!
– You should bring the jams from the cottage!
– Let’s bring it!
– And you have to help your sister with the car!
– I will help!
(Pause)
– Have you been to your lover’s for a long time?
– Sen!
****
When the wife sent the clerk to the store, he couldn’t resist and put 20% of the purchase amount in another pocket.
****
– Excuse me, but would you mind telling me where to get the money?
– You need to work!
– I go to work every day! They are not there!
****
He who does not curse at the wheel does not follow the traffic.
****
A gentleman notices an ad “Talking dog for sale”. For interest, he goes to the owner. This brings out the dog, who sits down and gives a polite greeting. The gentleman asks:
– How did you learn to speak?
– Self-study! I will not say that it was easy, but what has come easily to me in this life. When I was young, I worked as a rescuer in the Alps – I searched for people buried under avalanches. Later, I signed a contract with the armed forces and ran right into the Iraq war. I was with sappers, where my task was to find and neutralize explosives. He was not lucky once. The mine exploded and I spent three weeks in intensive care!
The gentleman turns to the owner in shock:
– Why are you selling such a wonderful dog?!
– Because he lies all the time! He has not been to any Iraq!
****
An old country woman lies on her deathbed and asks to be brought a cup of her goti’s milk. Grandchildren bring, but shoot a little whiskey. The next day, the same thing happens again, only the grandchildren increase the dose of whiskey, and so it goes on for a whole week, until the old woman is served a cup of pure whiskey. She drinks it, gets up and says:
– Don’t you dare sell my cow!
****
Until the invention of the Internet, people were thought to be stupid because of a lack of information. It was, of course, a mistake.
****
The life of a garden owner is a constant struggle against the neighbors’ children who consider your garden their own, and your own children who consider your garden a stranger.
****
Just because a girl doesn’t remember where she put her rubber band doesn’t mean she doesn’t remember what you said last Thursday at 5:43 p.m.
****
– I would like a pet: dog, cat…
– Think well. A pet is for life. Maybe try marriage first?
****
Why does my wife buy hangers from Ikea if she has nothing to wear?
****
There’s nothing more annoying than everything on a Monday!
****
When the examinee asked if she would get a driver’s license, the instructor, swimming to the shore, answered: “No!”
****
A couple already had two daughters, but the husband really wanted a son as well. And finally the wife became pregnant and gave birth to a healthy boy. The husband happily enters the ward and sees that the boy is extremely ugly. Above:
– It is not possible! You have already given birth to two beautiful daughters for me, but now you are so ugly! You must have cheated on me!
– Not this time…
****
The gentleman walks into the bar and orders a beer. Bartender:
– One cent from you.
– One cent? Can not be! And how much is a steak with fries and salad?
– Five cents.
– I don’t believe it! There is an error! Where is the bar owner?
– Upstairs with my wife.
– What is he doing up there with your wife?
– The same as I with his business at the bottom!
****
John is lying on his deathbed, his wife sitting next to him. John in a weak voice:
– Considering that I’m dying, I have to tell you something first!
– No need, sleep peacefully!
– But I need to ease my heart before leaving!
– I think it’s not worth it!
– And yet. I have to tell you that I slept with your sister. And her girlfriend. And with your mother and her friend too.
– I know! As I said – sleep peacefully and let the poison do its job!
****
– What did your wife say to you when she caught you with the neighbor?
– Neko!
– Neko?
– Yes! And those front teeth were already crumbled.
