Eveline has been dependent on oxycodone for 7 years: ‘Every movement hurts’

She is prescribed oxycodone to suppress the pain, an opiate twice as strong as morphine. Seven years later she is still using this and her body has become dependent on the painkiller. Every day she takes 40 mg Oxycontin (long-acting) and 10 mg Oxycodone (the short-acting variant).

Eveline: “For months I thought, I’ll be better next week. After countless therapies and treatments, both regular and alternative, the realization came that the pain would not go away. That has been one of my darkest times. I have now accepted it more, although I will never quite succeed. I don’t know what it’s like to be in no pain, but the oxycodone at least ensures that I can do some things that I enjoy again. When I don’t use that, it feels like a truck has hit me, every movement hurts. ”

‘Addicted’

Although Eveline has been dependent on oxycodone for seven years, she doesn’t see herself as an addict. “The definition of ‘addicted’ is ‘unable to break free from said habit’. Yes, that is how I indeed fit into that box. But I don’t take oxycodone to feel bliss, as a kind of reward. It has that effect on recreational users, but for me it really is pain relief. ”

Eveline realizes that her pain will never be completely gone, but that is not the goal either. “I take it so that I can still function and be self-reliant, to get to a kind of zero line with the pain where I feel a bit okay. I’ve never wanted to take more oxycodone than is strictly necessary and I don’t do everything I can to get ‘the stuff’. I just get it on a doctor’s prescription. Those things together make an essential difference to me between being dependent and being addicted. ”

Why stop?

Eveline lacks guidance from the medical field and has the feeling that after years she might be able to get off with less oxycodone. It is difficult to find help with this and after a long search, she decides on her own initiative to reduce gradually, using tapering strips. She invites Jessica Villerius to report on this. “I want to show how difficult it can be to live and to stop taking oxycodone. It is not a matter of ‘taking a pill, then it will go well automatically’. You actually run a marathon every day and I think it’s important to show that, also to the people around me. They also only see me when I have a good day, nobody sees the lesser days. ”

She continues: “I also hope that after watching this documentary, people will think more carefully about what they put in their mouths before using it. Are you not getting the right information? Read yourself in or double check it with another doctor. “

Oxycodone: Solitary Fight Against Pain

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Flaming pain

The short documentary shows how Eveline is physically and mentally in her two attempts to cut down. Both times she has to stop after three weeks because the pain is too much for her: she is still in bed, barely able to talk. Were the withdrawal symptoms too severe? No, says Eveline. “It was a nasty combination of withdrawal and the chronic pain that got worse. I started to experience all the standard symptoms of withdrawal: you sweat, you feel restless, you suddenly get very hot and cold, a runny nose, you get cranky. But I didn’t mind: I knew these things would disappear after a few weeks. ”

It was the nerve pain and the flaming pain in her arms that made her stop pulling it. Everything came back in full force. She could not sleep for nights on end, fatigue was taking her away. “When I asked my pharmacy for advice and supportive medication for the terrible fatigue, I got a very short e-mail back: ‘Go back to your old dose’. That lack of guidance frustrates me. This makes it extra difficult to continue. ”

Loneliness

Recently, Eveline has been reading more and more in online groups about chronic pain and oxycodone use. Visiting like-minded people was a tip from Villerius. “I was never like that, was afraid that I would only read doom and gloom. But it is nice to read recognizable stories, because I don’t want to constantly burden my environment with stories about my own condition. You soon feel a burden to others, it quickly becomes lonely. I have already lost friends as a result, my world is getting smaller. ”

Fortunately, a small group of very nice family and friends remains. Eveline: “They understand the fact that sometimes I can’t get out of bed for an appointment, even though I was still in town three hours earlier. I do what I can to live a normal life and that always takes a certain toll. Not everyone sees that, because the nasty part always takes place behind closed doors. I didn’t want to constantly defend myself against the prejudices some people have about oxycodone use. I hope the documentary helps with this. ”

Change

Eveline has been able to stop taking 10 mg Oxycodone. For now, she will continue to take the 40 milligrams of Oxycontin until a better alternative presents itself. She has considered the option to re-add drug under the supervision of a clinic, but there are the necessary hooks and eyes. “I feel that these pathways are more suitable for recreational oxy users, people without medical pain complaints. The collaboration of clinics with pain doctors is not yet good enough to treat people like me properly. The combination of chronic pain and drug dependence makes it too complicated now. If you have chronic pain, you cannot just cut back on oxycodone without a good alternative. ”

And that, she says, is exactly where there are still opportunities in the future: communication between doctors, hospitals, pharmacies and clinics. “I especially hope that doctors and pharmacists will take a good look at themselves and their role in the opiate problem. The high number of users in the Netherlands (from 80,000 in 2008 to 440,000 in 2019) is just one aspect of this. Their role in guidance, monitoring and, above all, phasing out is essential, I still miss that after all these years. They prescribe oxycodone but are unsure how to control a patient’s situation. They do not look at whether someone can cut back after a while, whether there are alternatives or whether the drug works at all. I think that’s the real opiate crisis. ”

Also read
View here ‘Oxycodone: Solitary Fight Against Pain’ or read more on LINDA.nl/oxycodon

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