It’s that time again: the season of Christmas wishes and good intentions has arrived. After a four-year fertility process, Eline’s Christmas wish is a carefree pregnancy and a healthy child. She shares her story in an emotional letter to Santa Claus.
Eline has been working on a fertility program for four years, but for now she is left empty-handed. Her Christmas wish is a carefree pregnancy and a healthy child.
Her Christmas wish
Dear Santa Claus,
I’m one of those women who always knew she wanted to be a mom one day. Strangely enough, even before I stopped taking birth control, I had a premonition that it wouldn’t work on its own. I already had irregular cycles as a teenager, but children were still a distant memory at the time, so I wasn’t worried yet. But when I was 25, I met someone who already had two children and my ovaries started to rattle. The relationship did not last, but my desire to have children remained intact. I was 28 years old when I decided to start the journey as a consciously single mother. I was so afraid that if I waited too long it wouldn’t work. For almost two years I visited the fertility center several times a week, a place where I regularly heard bad news. It turned out that I not only had PCOS, but also endometriosis, blocked fallopian tubes and thyroid problems. In short: it wouldn’t be smooth sailing to have a baby.
It turned out that I not only had PCOS, but also endometriosis, blocked fallopian tubes and thyroid problems. In short: it wouldn’t be smooth sailing to have a baby.
The first IVF cycle proved this, as it produced only one poor-quality embryo. During the second cycle I was given even more medication, which resulted in severe overstimulation. Besides being in a lot of pain, I couldn’t get a fresh transfer, so five embryos were frozen. After the third transfer, there was finally good news: it turned out I was pregnant. Unfortunately, that pregnancy went wrong at the end of the first trimester. Then a tough period started and I decided to take a break. The journey took its toll. Not only did I lose my baby, I also lost many friends due to misunderstandings about my situation. I was exhausted and had to find myself again.
fate
After a period of darkness, the sun started to shine again after a few months, because against all expectations I then met the love of my life. He already had a three-year-old son, but when the time was right, he wanted another child, even if that had to be done via IVF. When we were about to start the process again together, disaster struck mercilessly. My friend had a serious accident at work and was in a coma for several days. A period of weeks in intensive care and many months in a rehabilitation center began, as a result of which our desire to have children temporarily ended up in the bottom drawer.
Not only did I lose my baby, I also lost many friends due to misunderstandings about my situation.
More than a year later we started again, and the first puncture was a success. I had a nice yield of twelve quality embryos. Because I was given different medication, I also suffered much less. Unfortunately, the first transfer led to another pregnancy loss and the second attempt also failed. This means that, with a break here and there, I have been working on this process for four years now. The medication has changed my body and my self-confidence has also taken a serious hit. There is little left of my social life. I have one more friend who is always there for me, but I am often told that they would rather not invite me to playdates because then I will be left out, because it is difficult to hear those disappointments again and again… But if it is for While it is difficult for others, it is even more so for me.
I have often thought about giving up, but I am not yet ready to definitively put away my desire to have children. To be able to experience a carefree pregnancy and have a healthy baby is really all I want. Santa, will you make magic happen in 2024?’
Text: Marijke Clabots
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2023-12-23 09:03:56
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