Election season has a way of gripping even the most reluctant observer. Last week, with the weather keeping me indoors and my Netflix queue overflowing with grim serial killer documentaries, I found myself glued to the Irish election results.
My friend Budgie, ever the loyal companion, stopped by with a six-pack, ready to dissect the political drama unfolding on screen. We both agreed: Michael Healy-Rae was the puppet master in this game.Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil, desperate for power, would dance to his tune.
Let’s be honest, Healy-Rae is a far more entertaining figure than most politicians. I’d rather spend an evening at a poetry slam in St. Luke’s than endure five minutes of conversation with Simon Harris.
But there’s that classic Kerry spirit – always looking to one-up Cork. So, we’ll likely see that promised Event Center materialize, and all the desirable flight routes will funnel through Kerry Airport, leaving us with the dregs – Frankfurt and Zurich, perhaps?
“I know he’s a southsider, but surely Micheál Martin wouldn’t sell us out for a cabinet position,” I mused to Budgie. “Give his office a call, see if they’re aware of our concerns on the northside.”
“I rang his office there and the woman said he can’t come to the phone as he’s too busy choosing. I said,“a coalition partner?”. She said: “No, the model of Merc he’d like as Taoiseach.” #SoLongSuckers #Priorities”
The political chatter has even infiltrated our usually tame whatsapp group, “Douglas Road Stunners Who don’t Allow Eminem to be Played in our Volvo XC90.”
Audrey, you might not know this, but Eminem is back in vogue with the younger generation, thanks to some video game called Fortnite. My kids vanish into their screens for hours each night, leaving me and my husband, Ken, to ponder the financial success of our neighbors.
Driving my son Hugo home from cricket the othre day, I let him and his friend, also named Hugo, choose the music on spotify. Suddenly, the car was filled with Eminem’s expletive-laden lyrics. It was like standing outside a schoolyard in Passage west – not that I’d have any firsthand knowledge of that.
Two hours later, Hugo’s mother, Fifi_IncredibleCheekbones, messaged our group, complaining that her son had told her to “eff off” when asked to unload the dishwasher.
“Can’t believe he called you a heifer,” I replied, earning ten laugh emojis within 30 seconds – a new record for The Stunners.But Fifi wants to meet face-to-face. Who even does that anymore? Should I tell her to eff off?
“I don’t care what you do. Did you and yoru Ken ever figure out where your neighbours get their money, I’ve a nose on me about that myself.”
My husband passed away last year.It was a relief, to be honest.The traffic around the nursing home was getting unbearable.
Amy from Monkstown is navigating the unexpected terrain of dating after loss. Six months after her husband passed away, she decided to dip her toes back into the dating pool, joining a dating app specifically for those in their 70s called “Better than Nothing.”
While she initially presented herself as someone who enjoyed leisurely walks culminating in cozy pub lunches, Amy admits her true motivation was a bit more, shall we say, passionate. “I’d settle for someone from Carrigaline,” she confesses. “it’s a thing apparently, called Widow’s Fire.”
Initially, Amy believed this phenomenon was simply a euphemism for uninhibited intimacy concocted by swingers. However,she soon discovered that grief can indeed ignite a powerful desire. “I met this lovely guy,” she shares, “we have sex in his house every Wednesday afternoon. I’m counting down the hours every week, even though I have to drive to Bandon.”
Amy proposed expanding their rendezvous to weekends as well, but her new beau was taken aback. “Sex twice a week,” he exclaimed, “is it in Kinsale you think you are?”
Now, Amy is left wondering if she’s coming on too strong. “I feel bad now in case he thinks I’m too randy,” she confides.”So, what is the proper amount of sex for a 75-year-old woman?”
“— Amy, Monkstown.”
meanwhile,Rosealeen from Ballydesmond is facing a different dilemma. While her new partner is eager to whisk her away on a surprise city break to central Europe, Rosealeen would much rather be curled up by the fire in a cozy Kanturk pub. “Bad cess to Christmas anyway,” she laments, “heading off to some drab city when I could be wedged in beside the fire.”
the prospect of lukewarm wine and cinnamon-laden cakes fills her with dread. “Nobody likes cinnamon,” she declares. Desperate for an escape, Rosealeen turns to a rather unconventional solution: her cousin’s “Excuse Service.”
“— Rosealeen, Ballydesmond”
Rosealeen’s cousin, a master of creative excuses, suggests a foolproof plan involving fake COVID tests. “I have these fake covid tests,” she explains, “they show a positive every time.”
But what if the ruse fails? Rosealeen inquires.Her cousin has a backup plan: “I can also send her covid in a bottle, she’ll have symptoms in two hours, so even if she does end up going, she won’t be able to taste the cinnamon.”
Rosealeen, relieved to have found a way out of her predicament, concludes with a triumphant, “#Result.”
## From Election Mania to Dating Apps: A Conversation with ireland’s Wittiest Observer
**World-Today news: Editor’s Note:** The irish election has captiv
ated the nation, sparking spirited conversations wherever you turn. Today, we’re talking with our favorite anonymous blogger, known for their sharp wit and unfiltered observations on life in Ireland. From political maneuvering to the perils of online dating, no topic is off-limits.
**World-Today News:** Welcome back! We loved your hilarious take on the election results. You seem pretty convinced that Michael Healy-Rae is pulling the strings.
**Anonymous Blogger:** Oh, he’s got those Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil fellas dancing to his tune, no doubt about it. it’s like watching a puppet show, only the puppets have fancy suits and access to the Dáil.
**World-Today News:** You mentioned the prospect of an Event Center for Kerry. Is that wishful thinking, or do you think Healy-Rae can actually make it happen?
**Anonymous Blogger:** He wouldn’t dare disappoint Kerry. We’re already tanned and ready to pose for “Ireland’s Best Dressed” photoshoots. Don’t forget those precious flight routes, though. I won’t be surprised if Cork ends up with the dregs – maybe
Frankfurt and Zurich, if we’re lucky.
**World-Today News:** You playfully suggested Micheál Martin might be tempted by a cabinet position. Do you think there’s any truth to that?
**Anonymous Blogger:** Let’s just say I wouldn’t put it past him. A little ”persuasion” from Healy-Rae could go a long way.
**World-Today News:** You also shared some engaging anecdotes from your WhatsApp group, “Douglas Road Stunners Who don’t Allow Eminem to be Played in our Volvo XC90.” What prompted you to create such a group?
**Anonymous Blogger:** You wouldn’t believe the conversations we have. It’s a hilarious mix of politics, parenting woes, and unsolicited fashion advice.
And let’s be honest, after a few glasses of wine, those Eminem lyrics are starting to sound a bit too close to home.
**World-Today News:** You mentioned your neighbor’s mysterious financial success. Are you still trying to crack that code?
**Anonymous Blogger:** Oh, it’s a daily obsession.Kubernetes trading, herbal remedies—I’ve learned more than I ever wanted to know.
**World-Today News:** Your blog frequently enough touches on themes of loss and navigating life after death. Can you tell us a bit more about that?
**Anonymous Blogger:** Life throws you curveballs, and sometimes, you just have to learn to laugh, even through the tears.
Loss changes you, but it doesn’t define you. There’s beauty in the everyday moments, and I try to find those glimmers of hope even in the most unexpected places.
