Table of Contents
Image: Michelle van den Broek Photography
Elsemieke, mother of two sons (3 and 1) and editor at Kek Mama, has found her calling as motherhood and is trying to make something out of it like a first class mess, with a huge lack of sleep.
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What is a toxic male?
“If the explain a woman toxic masculinity If you look it up, you’ll find this: ‘Toxic masculinity refers to a set of offensive, harmful beliefs, tendencies and behaviors that are rooted in traditional male roles but taken to extremes. This dangerous idea of ’masculinity’ perpetuates dominance, homophobia and aggression and can have a negative impact on the mental health of all genders.”
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Out research three obvious points come from toxic masculinity:
- “hardness“: Men must be physically strong, emotionally insensitive and behaviorally aggressive.
- Antifeminism: Men should reject traditional feminine behaviors such as expressing feelings and accepting help.
- Power: Men must work to gain power and status (social and financial) and thus gain the respect of others.
Role models
To me, this sounds like something that might have been the norm centuries ago, but it certainly isn’t anymore. But that turns out to be disappointing. Now there seems to be a rise in social media as well toxic masculinity role models (Andrew Tate, anyone?), looks like we’re going back in development again. As a mother of two young sons, this is very concerning to me.
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On the other hand, many parents are moving towards ‘gentle parentingtrying to educate. There may be big feelings, even in boys. They are allowed to cry, to be sad. Get a hug and a kiss if they hurt themselves. Or if they are just angry about something small, as young children often are (I speak from experience). I do not believe that you are creating pushovers with this, as you often hear as a counter-argument. On the other hand even.
“Everyone is equal. Faith in humanity restored“
‘I’m the best!’
However, as I pay attention, I notice that many of these toxic ideas about masculinity are pushed on boys from a very young age. How many times do I hear parents from my generation telling their son not to cry, because he’s a big boy, right? So that doesn’t help. Also, TV shows, series and movies are often aimed at boys – usually? – based on winning. To be the fastest, strongest, biggest, best. And I also notice this happening between boys. Even when they are only three.
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Our eldest son is three years old and plays regularly with a four year old boy, who has two older brothers. That boy is constantly preoccupied with the above: that he is the biggest, the fastest, the strongest, that his bike is taller, that he has the most toys, that he can Make the biggest mountain of sand in the sandbox, you name it yourself. Everything is a competition. Us little son I took this over faster than I could blink. Suddenly that was all he was talking about.
I was kind of disappointed about that, because before this he had never experienced that whole concept of “winning”. Apart from those TV shows he sometimes watches, that is. I didn’t know what to do with it either. How do you fix something like that? Or should you not correct it at all? I was worried about how this would go when he started school. Maybe this is just how guys interact with each other? Is this what we expected, was it inevitable?
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“We all won!”
It went on like this for several weeks and the two always reinforced each other in this behavior when they played together. Until one day I suddenly heard from the mouth of the boyfriend: ‘We are all just as fast, aren’t we?’ And a moment later: ‘We all won!’ And yes, my son immediately imitated it again. So now everyone is equal. Except his brother, who is still not so fast. But that’s not surprising if you just can’t walk.
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The boyfriend’s parents were not okay with this behavior either and they intervened. Everyone is equal. Look, we can get much further with this. Faith in humanity renewed.”
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2024-11-23 14:14:00
#Elsemieke #threeyearold #child #deal #toxic #male
**How does the Kekmama article’s emphasis on “gentle parenting” challenge traditional notions of discipline, and what are the potential benefits and drawbacks of this approach?**
## Interview Questions Based on Kekmama Article
This article beautifully illustrates the struggle against ingrained toxic masculinity and the power of gentle parenting to challenge these norms. Here are some questions based on the article, designed to spark engaging conversation and explore different perspectives.
**Part 1: Defining the Problem**
* **The author critiques the idea that boys should suppress their emotions. What are your thoughts on this? Have you witnessed similar pressures on boys in your own life?**
* **The article mentions TV shows and movies often reinforcing the “winning” mentality. How do you think media influences children’s understanding of masculinity?**
* **What are some examples of “toxic masculinity” that you’ve encountered? How do these stereotypes harm both boys and girls?**
**Part 2: Gentle Parenting as a Solution**
* **The author employs gentle parenting techniques with her son. Do you think this approach is effective in teaching children about healthy emotional expression and respect for others?**
* **How can parents challenge traditional gender roles and expectations while raising their children?**
* **The article highlights the importance of modeling desired behavior. How can adults, both parents and non-parents, contribute to creating a more equitable and inclusive society for all genders?**
**Part 3: “We All Won!”: A Beacon of Hope**
* **The story of the two boys realizing “we all won” is quite heartwarming. What does this anecdote suggest about children’s own capacity for empathy and change?**
* **How can we encourage more moments like this, where children challenge the status quo and create their own definitions of success?**
* **What message would you give to parents who are worried about their sons being seen as “too sensitive” or “weak” in a society that often values aggression and dominance?**
**Bonus Questions:**
* **The article mentions a “Kek Mama subscription” with a discount. What are your thoughts on using branded content and marketing within parenting platforms? Is this ethically problematic?**
* **How can we ensure that conversations about masculinity and parenting are inclusive of different cultural perspectives and experiences?**
**Remember:**
* **Listen attentively to responses and encourage thoughtful dialog.**
* **Be open to differing opinions and experiences.**
* **Frame the discussion in a constructive and supportive manner.**
Let these questions serve as a starting point for a meaningful conversation about parenting, gender roles, and creating a more equitable future for all.