[DEAR ABBY] Drunk uncle pushes family to limit of tolerance

DEAR ABBY: My “Uncle Fred” is rude and obnoxious whenever we’re in his presence.
Dear Abby: Uncle “Fred” is rude and very obnoxious whenever we are in front of him.

He talks down to not only me, but everyone around him.
My uncle speaks in a way that seems to belittle not only me but everyone around me.

Holidays are unbearable as he creates constant tension, leaving all guests less than enthused.
My uncle keeps creating tension, so the holidays are hard to bear, and the family never has fun.

He also drinks too much at parties, which leads to obscenities and poor decision-making.
Also, my uncle drinks too much at parties, causing filthy behavior and poor decision-making.

It would be very easy to just stop being in his presence if not for my darling “Auntie June,” who is kind to us all and always insists on hosting her family for holidays.
If it hadn’t been for my dear Aunt Jun, who is kind to all of us and willing to invite our relatives over for the holidays, I wouldn’t have been around my uncle for many years.

Even after numerous attempts by family members who have all voiced their displeasure with Uncle Fred, Auntie June seems to be helpless in dealing with his unruly behavior.
Even after numerous family members express their displeasure with Uncle Fred, Aunt June is helpless to deal with her uncle’s unruly behavior.

How do we move forward without hurting our dear sweet auntie by telling her we no longer wish to spend holidays together?
How can you tell your lovely, sweet aunt that you don’t want to spend any more holidays with them without hurting them?

— ENOUGH ALREADY IN NEW JERSEY
— A New Jersey reader already fed up

DEAR ENOUGH: You have suffered enough.
Dear Tired Reader: You have suffered enough already.

A way to deal with it would be to put it “a tad” less bluntly.
The way out of this situation is to be “a little” less direct.

Say, “Auntie, we love you, which is why we have tolerated Uncle Fred’s drinking and rude behavior as long as we have.
“I love my aunt so much, that’s why we’ve endured Uncle Fred’s drinking and rude behavior all this time.

But we have reached our limit.
But we have reached the limit now.

From now on, other family members will alternate hosting these gatherings, and if Uncle Fred acts up during any of them, he will have to leave.”
From now on, the other family members take turns hosting family gatherings, and if Uncle Fred gets his way again, Uncle Fred has to leave immediately.”

It would be better than walking out of Auntie’s home and leaving her with food she has prepared and no one to eat it.
It would be better to do the above than to leave your aunt’s house without food and no one to eat.

KEY WORDS
■ obnoxious Very unpleasant, very unpleasant
■ in one’s presence ~ in front
■ talk down to
■ unbearable unbearable
■ enthuse to speak passionately, to speak enthusiastically
■ obscenity Obscene language[행동]
■ poor (quality) poor
■ insisted on
■ host host, open
■ voice (words) to express
■ displeasure displeasure, dissatisfaction
■ unruly
■ a bit of tad
■ bluntly
■ limit limit (point), limit
■ act up (a person) do not listen, act rudely