[DEAR ABBY] Dad’s parade of wives leaves grown child cold

DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old child of divorce.
Dear Abby: I am a 23 year old child of divorced parents.

For nine months, my father has been dating a woman he was seeing while still married to my stepmother.
My father was married to his stepmom and dated another woman for 9 months.

My youngest brother (age 19) and I have yet to meet her.
My youngest brother, who is 19 years old, and I have not met the woman yet.

If they marry, this will be Dad’s third marriage.
If the two of you get married, it will be your father’s third marriage.

While I love him, he deeply hurt not only my former stepmother but also my mother, because he cheated on them both multiple times.
I love my father, but he hurt both of them by cheating on me several times not only with my ex-stepmother but also with my birth mother.

He excuses it by saying he had no other choice.
The father excuses himself by saying he had no other options.

I recently moved back to my hometown after living in New York for 16 months.
I recently returned to my hometown after living in New York for 16 months.

At some point soon, the three of us, as well as my middle brother, will likely have dinner together.
At some point, the three of us will likely be having dinner with our second younger brother.

I’m afraid I’ll lash out at her and possibly lose my father in the process.
I am afraid I will blame the woman and lose my father in the process.

I feel like a child when he tries to explain his behavior in an indirect way.
I feel like a child when my father explains his actions in a roundabout way.

Must I accept this new woman as my father’s partner or risk him dropping out of my life?
Should I accept the new woman as my father’s companion, or should I risk losing him in my life?

— REVOLVING DOORS
— Unstable Reader

DEAR REVOLVING DOORS: If you want a relationship with your father, it’s important that you not lash out at whatever woman he is with, whether it be “fiancee” number three, four, five, etc.
Dear Insecure Reader: If you want a relationship with your father, it’s important that you don’t blame the woman, whether he’s with a third, fourth, fifth, or whoever of his “fiancées.”

This isn’t as much a question of accepting this new woman as it may be accepting your father for who he is.
The issue of accepting the new woman is insignificant compared to the issue of accepting your father for who he is.

If things eventually turn out as I suspect they will, YOU may choose to drop out of HIS life.
If things turn out as I suspect (which they probably do), “you” may choose to leave “your father’s” life for yourself.

KEY WORDS
■ divorce divorce
■ stepmother
■ cheat on cheating
■ multiple many
■ excuse
■ lash out at ~ to criticize
■ process process
■ indirect[에둘러 하는]
■ drop out of
■ fiancee fiancée
■ accept[인정하다]
■ eventually