“It didn’t surprise me that the cancer was everywhere. Frank smoked and drank with passion for as long as I knew him. Or knew him, because he is no longer there. He was idiosyncratic. He had a pub in the city center and that was his lust and his life. Until well after the age of seventy, he continued to sit at the bar a few times a week, even though he had sold his café for years.
When his legs started to bother him, Frank thought it was more logical to rest more than to go to the doctor. “It’ll be fine,” he always said. Only when he could no longer get out of bed himself did he want to call the doctor. He shook his head and two scans later it was clear that the metastases were everywhere.”
“I miss Frank, of course, but his death was not a big blow. That deep mourning that I sometimes read about, or that I see in my environment, does not materialize. My husband was not even ill for long, but he was eleven years older. Apparently I always took into account that I would spend the last part of my life alone.
Frank was often tired, while I am very active. Over the past fifteen years I have been involved in all kinds of clubs and hobbies and those people still invite me to all kinds of things.”
No black hole
“It remains a loss, we were together for over forty years, but that black hole? I don’t even get around to that. My son resents me for moving on with my life so easily. “Do you really have to go to the vegetable garden tomorrow?’, he asked recently.
I was not aware of any harm, but it turned out exactly two years ago that Frank went to the hospital, from which he never came out, and my son wanted to reflect on that with a coffee in the city. That’s fine, not like that.”
“I have my sorrows and I also look ahead. I am not always grateful for that. But what should I do? Sit and sip all day? I am actually grateful for my rich life. Every day I see someone and In the evening I do a bit of hobby or watch TV. I’m never bored for a moment.”
Age difference
“Maybe it also helps that I still often talk about Frank with all those different people. I did that when he was still alive. He was important to me and it remains that way. But I think my own life is just as important and the years that still lie ahead of me. For the same amount of money, there are still twenty more, and I would like to experience them as pleasantly as possible.
Frank had no interest in social matters and sometimes sat in his reading chair for entire days. Growing that old doesn’t suit me. I never thought our age difference was a problem, but looking back I think our different stages of life had a bigger impact on our relationship than I thought.”
“For the last fifteen years we each lived in our own world and we found each other especially when we went to visit the children and grandchildren. That is not a reproach, by the way, I actually liked how Frank and I could always give each other space. to give.
And now it helps me in my grief. The transition is not that big. My husband has been much less of a partner in recent years. My children especially feel the loss of their father. I think there doesn’t have to be any value to mourning, and no form. We all feel sadness and we all deal with it in different ways.”
Always unburdened
“It sounds unkind to say, but so far it’s not too bad for me. All those years I didn’t think about anything happening to Frank, but apparently I have taken it into account inside. Now that the time has come, I notice that I can wear it.
Frank is also to blame for this, because he ensured that everything was perfectly arranged financially, administratively and also for his cremation. He always took care of me, that was his way of showing love. And I still feel that love now.”
The names in this article are fictitious. Their real names are known to the editors.
Wanted: Love Lessons
For the Love Lessons section on RTL News Lifestyle we are looking for beautiful, vulnerable, funny, inspiring and honest love lessons. An insight, a moment of reflection. Preferably with your hand in your own bosom. In the end, did you turn out to be the one with a fear of commitment? Should you never have emigrated for love or did a blended family prove to be an illusion after all? Journalist Hanneke Mijnster would like to ask you all about it. You can tell anonymously. Email to: hanneke.mijnster@rtl.nl.
2024-01-17 19:16:22
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