We all hope it doesn’t happen to us, but an illness or accident can affect anyone. Some are born with a disability, others are confronted with it during their lives. How do you deal with this as a patient or as a loved one?
There are no official figures on the percentage of Flemish people with a disability, but in population surveys reported by Knack, between 16 and 24 percent of people live with a disability, long-term illness or condition that limits their functioning. Suddenly having to deal with such a limitation is called ‘living loss’, explains trauma psychologist Evening Erik out. He runs Scaut together with his wife Lies The Way Pointer, an expertise center for trauma and grief counseling. “When people think of loss, the words ‘death’ and ‘death’ immediately come to mind, while life is full of losses.” This not only concerns your health, but also, for example, a dismissal or a marriage that is on the rocks. “Every experience of loss causes mourning. And every grief is an ordeal as unique as your fingerprint. However, those affected by living loss often receive a number of witticisms in addition, such as ‘enjoy what you can still do’. It is important to grant every victim of loss their victimhood as well.”
Labyrinth
As a neighbor, it is especially important to be present without judging. “The most important task is to act as a silent and attentive witness, who is there to offer hope and perspective when the grieving person has lost it for a while,” says Erik de Soir. He compares it to a journey through a labyrinth. “You have to assume that you don’t know how long the journey will take. You can go out alone.” However, society is not always as patient with this mourning process. This partly has to do with the fact that mourning is no longer as structured as it used to be, when there were prescribed mourning periods. “We have evolved into a society in which everything has to happen very quickly and there is often no room left to take the time to grieve,” says Erik de Soir. “You have to move forward, ‘because life goes on’. People often pay a heavy price for that later.”
Moreover, there is also a lot of ignorance. There tries Here vzw to bring about change, among other things by focusing on raising awareness and a versatile leisure offering. “Our mission is to let everyone participate in society,” explains general manager Sophie Beyers. “There is still too much of a division between a ‘disabled program’ and a ‘citizen program’, to put it very black and white. That is why we try to bring people with and without disabilities into contact with each other.” And that is necessary, if only to pay more attention to small obstacles of which we are not aware. Have you ever considered that that colleague in the wheelchair may never come to the after-work drinks because your regular pub does not have an adapted toilet?
Especially if you develop a disability during your life, contact with fellow sufferers can really help.
– Sophie Beyers, Ditto vzw
Safe space
At the same time, it can also be valuable to be surrounded by fellow sufferers. “Certainly if you develop a disability during your life, that contact can really help: being among people who are in the same situation and creating a safe space. But in addition, if you feel strong enough, you also want to be out there,” says Sophie Beyers. This confrontation with the outside world can be difficult, both for people with a visible and invisible disability. “As a society we must be tolerant towards each other, but if you don’t see it, it is of course more difficult to take something into account. Some are also more open about this than others,” says Sophie Beyers.
“People with a visible disability are sometimes ignored,” says Erik de Soir. “Out of ignorance, bystanders look the other way, while the person with the disability would rather talk about it. I have learned a lot from children in that respect, they immediately ask why someone only has one arm. This straightforward approach offers many opportunities and teaches you to deal openly with limitations.” Sophie Beyers agrees: “We also notice this with our Reading Gang, where someone with a disability or chronic illness reads in classes. Children are much less embarrassed and ask endless questions about the disability or illness, which creates a very honest and open conversation.”
2023-12-20 00:04:39
#Learning #live #disability #experience #loss #mourning
