The Hidden Cost of Suppressing Emotions: Why emotional Intelligence Matters
In Western society, there’s a pervasive belief that showing emotions is a sign of weakness. Phrases like “Cheer up,” “Dry your tears,” or “Be tough” subtly reinforce the idea that emotions should be hidden or suppressed. But as psychologist Marissa van der sluis explains in her book Real Connection,this mindset can have serious consequences.
“In our (Western) society, there is still the belief that showing your emotions is a sign of weakness,” van der Sluis writes. “These are statements with the subtle message that we should not allow, let alone show, our emotions.”
This cultural tendency to suppress emotions might seem harmless in the short term, but it can lead to long-term struggles. Van der Sluis compares the act of pushing away painful emotions to holding a beach ball underwater.“It’s tiring and unsustainable,” she says. “If you try to suppress your pain or parts of yourself for a long time, you can suffer from it later.”
Research supports this claim, showing that emotional suppression can lead to mental health issues, strained relationships, and even physical health problems.Rather of “surviving,” van der Sluis emphasizes the importance of truly living by embracing and understanding our emotions.
The Role of Emotional Intelligence
Table of Contents
Understanding and managing emotions is at the heart of emotional intelligence (EI). EI involves recognizing your own emotions and those of others, understanding their impact, and managing them effectively. Such as, empathizing with a colleague’s struggle or responding calmly to criticism are key aspects of EI [[2]].Van der Sluis’s insights align with the growing recognition that emotional intelligence can matter more than traditional measures like IQ. As Sara Viezzer, a psychology graduate and Assistant Psychologist in the NHS, notes, “Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ” [[3]].
A Path to Real Connection
Van der Sluis’s work highlights the importance of fostering genuine connections by embracing vulnerability.Instead of suppressing emotions,she encourages individuals to acknowledge and process them. This approach not only improves mental health but also strengthens relationships and overall well-being.
For those looking to deepen their understanding of emotional intelligence, van der Sluis’s book Real Connection offers practical guidance. Additionally, exploring resources like what is Emotional Intelligence? and What is Relational Intelligence? can provide further insights.
Key Takeaways
| Aspect | Insight |
|—————————|—————————————————————————–|
| Emotional Suppression | Pushing away emotions is unsustainable and can lead to long-term suffering. |
| Emotional Intelligence | Recognizing and managing emotions improves mental health and relationships.|
| Cultural Beliefs | Western societies often stigmatize emotional expression as weakness.|
| Practical Approach | Acknowledge and process emotions to foster genuine connections. |
By embracing emotional intelligence and rejecting the stigma around emotional expression, individuals can move beyond mere survival and truly thrive.As van der Sluis reminds us, the path to real connection begins with understanding and honoring our emotions.
Chronic emotional suppression is more than just a personal habit—it’s a silent contributor to mental health struggles. Research shows that people who habitually withhold their emotions face an increased risk of depression. This behavior creates a disconnect between their ”real” self and the persona they present to the world, leading to heightened negative emotions, reduced social support, and a diminished ability to cope with challenges. Over time, this “inauthenticity” can erode self-esteem and foster a negative self-image.
On the flip side, individuals who embrace and process their emotions tend to have a more positive self-image, healthier relationships, and greater resilience in the face of setbacks. But how can you bridge the gap between emotional suppression and emotional awareness? Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you reconnect with your feelings and cultivate emotional well-being.
Why Emotional Suppression Harms Mental Health
When emotions are chronically suppressed, the mind and body bear the brunt. Studies suggest that the act of withholding feelings creates a psychological dissonance, where individuals feel disconnected from their true selves. this dissonance not only amplifies negative emotions but also limits access to social support systems,as others may struggle to understand or connect with someone who appears emotionally distant.
Moreover,the constant awareness of this ”inauthenticity” can lead to a negative self-image. As one expert explains, “People who suppress many feelings in their daily lives experience a discrepancy between their ‘real’ self and the self they show to the outside world.” This internal conflict can manifest as anxiety, depression, or even physical health issues over time.
A mini Guide to Experiencing Emotions
Learning to embrace your emotions doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Here’s a practical, step-by-step approach to help you reconnect with your feelings:
1. Focus on your Body
Start by tuning into your physical sensations. For example, you might notice “a heat in your chest,” “a knot in your stomach,” or “a tightening in your throat.” These bodily cues are often the first indicators of underlying emotions.
2. Name the Emotion
Putting your feelings into words can create a sense of distance and clarity. It doesn’t have to be a textbook term—use the first word that comes to mind. This step helps you orient yourself to what you’re experiencing.
3. Breathe Into It
Take three deep breaths,allowing each exhale to create space for the emotion. Imagine breathing air into the feeling itself, helping it expand and release in a calm, controlled manner.
4. Pause and Accept
Instead of resisting or reacting impulsively, practice acceptance. Tell yourself, “I’m upset right now, and that’s okay.” Placing a hand on your heart can further reinforce this sense of self-compassion.
5. Move
Physical movement helps release the energy tied to emotional responses. Whether it’s walking, jumping, or shaking your body, movement can be a powerful tool for emotional regulation.
6. Choose
Take control of your response. For instance, if you’re feeling angry, you might choose to step away temporarily or assert your boundaries clearly. This step empowers you to act intentionally rather than being driven by emotion.
7. Exercise
Repeat these steps regularly to build emotional resilience. Over time, you’ll find it easier to allow and regulate your emotions, fostering a healthier relationship with yourself and others.
The Benefits of Emotional Awareness
Embracing your emotions isn’t just about avoiding negative outcomes—it’s about cultivating a richer, more authentic life. People who can welcome and process their feelings tend to have stronger relationships, better coping mechanisms, and a more positive self-image. As one study notes, “They can deal better with setbacks and have healthier relationships.”
Key Takeaways
| Step | Action |
|————————-|—————————————————————————-|
| Focus on Your Body | Notice physical sensations like heat, tightness, or knots. |
| Name the Emotion | Label the feeling, even if it’s not a traditional emotional term. |
| Breathe Into It | take deep breaths to create space for the emotion. |
| Pause and Accept | Practice self-compassion and acceptance. |
| Move | Use physical activity to release emotional energy. |
| Choose | Decide how to respond intentionally rather than react impulsively. |
| Exercise | Repeat these steps regularly to build emotional resilience. |
Final Thoughts
Emotional suppression may feel like a protective mechanism,but its long-term costs are steep. By learning to embrace and process your emotions, you can foster a healthier, more authentic life. As grief expert Manu Keirse aptly puts it,”You should not process loss,but rather survive it.” The same principle applies to emotions—acknowledging and living through them is key to emotional well-being.
For more insights on emotional health, explore our article on grief and loss.
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What’s your experience with emotional awareness? Share your thoughts in the comments below or try the steps above to start your journey toward emotional well-being.
What Is Resilience and How can You Become Resilient?
Resilience is frequently enough described as the ability to bounce back from adversity, but it’s much more than that. It’s a dynamic process that involves adapting well in the face of trauma, tragedy, threats, or critically important stress. According to Marissa van der Sluis, a renowned psychologist and host of The Podcast Psychologist, resilience is not just about enduring hardships but also about thriving despite them. In her book REAL CONNECTION, published by Spectrum Publishers, van der Sluis delves into the science of resilience and offers practical strategies to cultivate it.
Understanding Resilience
Resilience is not a fixed trait; it’s a skill that can be developed over time. It involves mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility, allowing individuals to navigate life’s challenges effectively. Van der Sluis explains, “Resilience is about building a toolkit of coping mechanisms that help you stay grounded and focused, even when life feels overwhelming.”
Research shows that resilient individuals tend to have strong social connections, a positive outlook, and the ability to regulate their emotions.These factors act as buffers against stress and trauma, enabling people to recover more quickly and effectively.
How to Build Resilience
Van der Sluis outlines several key strategies in REAL CONNECTION to help individuals become more resilient:
- Cultivate Strong Relationships: Social support is one of the most critical factors in resilience. Building meaningful connections with family, friends, and community members provides a safety net during tough times.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Being kind to yourself, especially during setbacks, can help you maintain emotional balance.
- Develop Problem-Solving Skills: Resilient individuals are proactive in addressing challenges. They break problems into manageable steps and take decisive action.
- Maintain a Positive Outlook: Optimism doesn’t mean ignoring reality but rather focusing on what you can control and finding meaning in tough situations.
- Engage in Self-Care: Physical health plays a significant role in mental resilience. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep are essential.
The Role of Mindfulness
Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and deep breathing, are also highlighted as powerful tools for building resilience. These techniques help individuals stay present, reduce stress, and improve emotional regulation. Van der Sluis emphasizes, “Mindfulness allows you to observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment, creating space for more intentional responses.”
Real-Life Applications
Resilience is not just a theoretical concept; it has real-world applications. For instance, studies have shown that resilient individuals are better equipped to handle workplace stress, recover from illness, and navigate relationship challenges. By incorporating resilience-building practices into daily life, anyone can enhance their ability to cope with adversity.
Key Takeaways
| Aspect of Resilience | Key Strategies |
|——————————–|———————————————————————————–|
| Social Connections | Build strong relationships with family, friends, and community. |
| Emotional Regulation | Practice mindfulness and self-compassion. |
| Problem-Solving | Break challenges into manageable steps and take action. |
| Positive Outlook | Focus on what you can control and find meaning in adversity. |
| Physical Health | Prioritize exercise, nutrition, and sleep. |
Final Thoughts
Resilience is a journey,not a destination. By understanding its components and actively working to strengthen them,you can better navigate life’s ups and downs. As van der Sluis aptly puts it,“Resilience is not about avoiding pain but about learning to move through it with grace and strength.”
For more insights on mental health and resilience, explore REAL CONNECTION by Marissa van der Sluis, available now for €21.99 from Spectrum Publishers.
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Summary of Emotional Awareness Steps & Benefits, wiht Resilience Connection
- Focus on Your Body
– Notice physical sensations like heat, tightness, or knots.
– Resilience Connection: Recognizing bodily responses helps you understand your emotional state, enabling you to adapt and cope better during adversity.
- Name the Emotion
– Label the feeling, even if it’s not a traditional emotional term.
– Resilience Connection: Putting emotions into words creates clarity and distance, empowering you to manage feelings and bounce back from setbacks.
- Breathe Into It
– Take deep breaths to create space for the emotion.
– Resilience Connection: Deep breathing helps regulate emotional responses, enabling you to stay calm and focused under stress.
- Pause and Accept
– Practise self-compassion and acceptance.
– Resilience Connection: Accepting your emotions allows you to process them healthily, which is crucial for building emotional resilience.
- Move
– Use physical activity to release emotional energy.
– Resilience Connection: Movement helps regulate emotions and reduce tension, contributing to overall resilience.
- Choose
– Decide how to respond intentionally rather than react impulsively.
- Resilience Connection: Intentional responses help you navigate challenges effectively, fostering resilience.
- Exercise
– Repeat these steps regularly to build emotional resilience.
– Resilience Connection: Regular practice of emotional awareness strengthens your coping skills and helps you become more resilient over time.
Benefits of Emotional Awareness
- Stronger relationships
- Better coping mechanisms
- Positive self-image
- Improved ability to deal with setbacks and stress
Key Takeaways
- Focus on physical sensations to tune into your emotions.
- Label your feelings to gain clarity and distance.
- Breathe deeply to create space for emotions and promote calmness.
- Practice self-compassion and acceptance to process emotions healthily.
- Use physical activity to regulate emotional energy and tension.
- Respond intentionally to navigate challenges effectively.
- Regularly exercise emotional awareness to build resilience.
Sources
- Emotional Awareness – Verywell Mind
- Resilience: Build emotional strength in the face of adversity – Mayo Clinic
