- Sex therapist Ian Kerner said couples should have sex, with the goal of connecting with each other, once a week.
- Engaging in pressureless sex that focuses on pleasure, not orgasms, can change the way you view the act.
- Research suggests that couples who have sex once a week are more likely to be satisfied in their relationships.
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The stress and uncertainty of the pandemic led to a decreased sex between partners, which left many concerned about whether, and how, they could rekindle their sex lives.
For couples who need a place to start, having sex once a week can help.
Couples who commit to having sex once a week are more likely to have happy and satisfying relationships, in and out of the bedroom, according to sex therapist Ian Kerner.
During an appearance in the podcast Pregnant ish, Kerner spoke with host Andrea Syrtash about how couples can overcome obstacles in their sex lives; especially when trying to get pregnant.
Having sex once a week for fun supports relationship satisfaction, research suggests
A 2015 study, in the journal Social Psychology and Personality Science, he found that couples who had sex once a week were more likely to be satisfied in their relationships than those who had less sex. The group of researchers also found that having sex more than once a week did not increase relationship satisfaction.
The type of sex you are having matters too.
Kerner explained that sex falls into three categories: recreational, or just for fun, relational or to feel connected with your partner, and procreative or to have babies.
Although all three types of sex have important roles, concentrating too much on one type of sex can turn the moment into an anxious activity.
For example, Kerner works with many couples who underwent IVF (in vitro fertilization) to conceive and has found that their sex life collapses when fertility treatments begin. They often forget that sex can be a tool for boosting intimacy, not just for having babies, she said.
“I think it’s important to make that effort to hold on to sex and not wait until you get to the other side of something to be sexual again,” said Kerner, who recently wrote the book “Tell Me About The Last Time You Had Sex,” said Syrtash. .
Integrating relational and recreational sex into your procreative sexual routine can help relieve the pressure, according to Kerner.
How to include sex in your weekly schedule
When it comes to relational sex, the kind of sexual experience that helps you feel close to your partner; Kerner suggested committing to a sexy moment once a week.
If you’re not in the mood for penetrative sex, Kerner said expanding your ideas about what counts as relational sex can help keep intimacy alive.
She often tells her patients to schedule a weekly “window of readiness” in which they spend time in a fun and intimate activity with their partner, such as reading erotica, taking a shower together, or kissing.
“And it’s meant to be something programmed, something that you will introduce yourself to, because it’s important, but also something without pressure and that could be fun,” Kerner told Syrtash.
NOW READ: The sexiest summer in history is near; vaccines will unleash all sexual repression of the pandemic
ALSO READ: 6 Reasons People Mentally Disconnect During Sex And How To Avoid It – According To A Relationship Expert
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