Am I freaking out about Corona? Of course I ask myself this question from time to time. But shouldn’t you ask her otherwise? Most of them don’t play normal too much, after all what’s behind us?
I’ll never forget how, at the start of the pandemic, the police would roll through our neighborhood and announcements were made on megaphones. First only in German, then also in English. Stay at home! Protect yourself! I don’t recall ever experiencing anything like this. So far, this has surely been reserved for generations who have experienced war.
Better factual or alarmed?
The images from Bergamo in Italy, where the pandemic raged especially hard at the start, came as a shock. I can still see the bodies that were thrown in a pile because there was no way to cremate them. And I also see the Minister of Health at the time, Jens Spahn, who some say had a calm and level-headed manner.
I was different. I found his objectivity arrogant. As if she wanted to say: I know something that you don’t know. But rest assured: there is no need to freak out.
Other voices sounded completely different. The scientists made it clear they would do everything possible to research this new virus, but at the same time they made it clear that they knew little and were just getting started. And then there was Karl Lauterbach, who was suddenly appearing quite a lot in the media. He seemed less than pragmatic, more alarmed. And he looked visibly concerned.
Not only did I find the expertise of the next Minister of Health very useful, but also that he said what many thought: let’s not kid ourselves, the situation is dramatic. But recognizing it is the best way to deal with it.
Two years on “Team Caution”
The admonishing voice, which soon seemed to be ubiquitous from talk shows to everyday topics, gave me some direction. As others mocked the politician’s supposedly panicked body language with wildly gesturing hands and wide-eyed eyes, I thought to myself: Well, say it, that’s how I see it. In case. Otherwise, to be honest, until then I hadn’t found Lauterbach’s demeanor in a bow tie and high water trousers very “skillful” or “sympathetic.”
For two years I was “Team Caution” and continued to narrow my radius even when the first easing came. I have not seen my parents, who live 100 kilometers away, at all times, contact was limited to the telephone. I’ve only been to the gym once since the pandemic began. I hesitantly moved between the individual locations, took off the mask on the respective device and then immediately put it back on. Everything around me was pumping and blowing and sweating: I seemed to see clouds of aerosols flying.
No events, no public transport, no gym
It’s too much, you’re exaggerating, friends said when they found out I obviously wasn’t going to Oktoberfest this fall. I still avoid using public transport if possible, and now I cycle into the city, for example when I have a doctor’s appointment. I take the first small steps towards my old life with the handbrake on. The restaurants where I had an appointment still have plexiglass between the tables.
It’s not so much the fear of contagion itself that makes me cautious. The possible long-term consequences of the virus seem to me much more threatening – by the way, something Karl Lauterbach has warned about again and again. When I hear people report that they are just freaked out, that they can’t go on anymore, it hits me, because I experienced something like this once when I was in a clinic for weeks due to a severe breakdown. I definitely don’t want to try anything like this again and I’ve decided I’m still willing to live with the limitations. That I don’t get on a plane for a long-distance trip like others in my circle of acquaintances. Or go celebrate carefree. Or to work out in the gym, as I said.
I lost the connection?
However, there are times now when I ask myself this question: Have I perhaps missed the boat? Moments that light up especially when life at a certain point goes on as a natural thing.
I am a single parent, have two children and was initially lucky as a participant in the “Team Caution”. While other families during the pandemic complained that their offspring were a gateway for the virus, the situation in our country was relatively relaxed: my daughter went to an international school. Classes were still fully online long after other schools had relaxed. My son goes to boarding school, an institution that still takes the Corona rules very seriously today.
But both of my kids have always been reasonable outside of school. My grandmother celebrated her 18th birthday in our garden, right with us as a family. My daughter is not the partying type which is probably why she took it easy on her social contacts. I know that both she and my son continue to wear masks, for example when using public transport in Bavaria.
I’ve gone too far
However, when my daughter suddenly moved some time ago to start a new life in another city, it made me think. Suddenly there were violent accusations when I asked what it was. “Last time was just too much,” she said without going into further detail. We had always been very close, we had done many things together, from theater to training courses for adults. First Crown. When the first beer gardens opened after the lockdown, we approached a new normal together: cycling, signing up for lists, being around people again for the first time.
Sometimes I wonder if I might have gone too far during the pandemic. If I unintentionally sent signals that led to this release. Seen like this, is the “Team Caution” falling at my feet?
On the other hand, I don’t see what I could have done differently. Because even if Karl Lauterbach, as the current Federal Minister of Health, admits that it was a mistake to keep daycare centers closed for so long, I don’t think he can be blamed: Time-wise, the decision was the right one . This has caused great harm, this is today’s knowledge and, as is known, one is always smarter afterwards. That’s why I prefer to look twice. It is true that police cars no longer circulate on our streets and the photos of Bergamo have long since disappeared. But the virus is still here and it would be wrong to deny it outright.
My topic now is how do I get the curve and what can help me in the future with orientation and setting direction. That’s for sure: Gone are the days when you let yourself be relieved of responsibilities “as a member of a team”. I have to find my own way now.
*Name known to the editors
Recorded by FOCUS online author Elisabeth Hussendörfer
