When Coosje Smid (33) turns out to be pregnant in 2022, life seems to be smiling at her again. She lost her mother a few years before and her father Ernst Daniël Smid (70) was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. Getting pregnant is a minor miracle, as she had surgery for endometriosis at 26 and was then told that having children would be a challenge. Happiness everywhere, you would think. In ‘Ouders van Nu’ she shares that her pink cloud is overshadowed by dark clouds.
“When I came home at night I was completely exhausted… and the contractions started”
Coosje tells in Parents of Now how she gets to know Melchior in 2021 and falls in love in one fell swoop. Six weeks later she found out she was pregnant. “It came as a big surprise.” Nevertheless, the couple decides to go for it. “I always wanted children, I was 32, I had a job, a house, it was just possible. Only our relationship was still very early.”
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It soon turns out that their love luck is not very rosy. “He cheated a lot, with his ex. Not once or twice, but thirty times.” What follows is a flashing light relationship where the cheating doesn’t stop. “It became so painful that at one point I decided to call his ex myself.”
Coosje thinks that his adultery is over from that moment on, but when she is 39 weeks pregnant, her boyfriend confesses that he still sees his ex. “I felt so humiliated. I was furious with him.” She decides to go to the other woman and confront her. “When I came home at night I was completely exhausted… and the contractions started.”
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Son Zonne is born on August 1, 2022. “For the outside world there was nothing wrong. During the maternity visits we played the happy family.” But it is ‘one big sham’. She is ashamed of Melchior’s crooked skate, but also thinks for a long time that it is ‘just part of the job’. “It wasn’t until everyone spoke shame of Waylon and Bibi’s story that I saw how bad it was.”
Coosje is exhausted in the weeks after giving birth and her psychologist even advises her to stop breastfeeding because it asks too much of her. “I was so depressed, I had no choice.” When Zonne is five weeks old, father Ernst-Daniel Smid intervenes: he helps his daughter out of the house and she moves in with her sister.
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In the beginning, the new mother has ‘great difficulty with attachment’. During pregnancy she feels a strong connection with the baby, but after birth it disappears. She also continues to refer to Zonne as ‘the baby’. It is her father who offers support: “Coos, call Zonne by his name…”
She also gets help from someone she doesn’t really know very well: Isa Hoes. She sends Coosje reassuring voice messages, according to Coosje because Isa instinctively feels that she needs it at that moment. “She repeated over and over that it was okay for me to feel bad. It helped.”
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Zonne will be one year old next week and luckily mother and son are doing a lot better. “I thoroughly enjoy Zonne.” Her son spends one night a week with his father and soon also a weekend every other week. “A little more time for myself is probably good for me: it is quite tough to always have to arrange everything alone in addition to an intensive job, especially with a permanent hangover due to lack of sleep.”
You can read the whole interview in the new one Parents of Now.
2023-07-28 11:01:18
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