#BreastCancer: Nostalgia for My Previous Life

Today I miss my old life

I miss the lightness of all things. I miss just being, without fear, without doubt. I miss Alu with her zest for action, her open heart and her irrepressible energy.

Today I miss my old life

I miss my mother’s tender cheek caresses. I miss it when my dad pronounces my pet name. I miss my big sister’s warm hands and my grandfather’s smile.

Today I miss my old life

I miss laughing without effort. I miss the fits of laughter at the silliest things and my best friend’s laugh that always lingers and touches me so deeply.

Today I miss my old life

I miss my carelessness when it comes to my body. I miss doing sports just for the fun of it. I miss glittery hair clips and plunging necklines with push-up bras.

Today I miss my old life

I miss going out in the evening. I miss singing along with the car window open. I miss sitting together in the bars of this city and holding hands with my friends.

Today I miss my old life

I miss the hugs of the children without a doubt. I miss sitting on chairs that are too small in kindergarten. I miss the cake bazaars in all seasons. I miss carrying it close to my heart.

Today I miss my old life

I miss the overnight stays for two at 90 cm and dreaming of growing old together in the Uckermark with my loved one. I miss the touches without pain.

Today I miss my old life. I can feel it clearly.

I turn up the music and dance around my living room. My legs carry me across the parquet. I turn the box even louder. I swing my arms, my legs. I spin in circles and shake my regrowing stubble. I try to dance it out I have such a hunger for life, such a longing for ease. I scream “Bring Me a Higher Love” by Whitney Houston and feel elated. I can feel myself I still have a body and a heart.

There it is, my longing for something light that I miss so much today. I’ll reclaim it, step by step on the dance floor of my life.

Alu

Life goes on – as we get used to each other