“Breaking the Stigma: Actress Veronika Kamenská Talks About Her Struggle with Panic Disorder”

You recently mentioned publicly that you struggle with panic disorder. As it turns out, it’s not that uncommon a psychological problem. But still – weren’t you worried about going out with it?

I first started mentioning it gently on Instagram and it was interesting how many people started to respond. They wrote that they also went through a period when they were very fragile mentally, struggling with panic or depression. It’s a sensitive topic, few people brag about it, so even I hesitated.

But it affected my life so much that I felt the need to say it. In addition, if you share such an experience with others, you can help a lot. But first you have to get to a certain stage where you are able to talk about it at all.

So do you now understand why your panic disorder started?

I didn’t understand at first because she appeared suddenly and without warning. However, long before that I felt that something was wrong. I wasn’t in my skin, but I had no idea what was going on. Only later did I realize that I had a lot of assumptions and triggers at the time.

Like motherhood. My daughter is four and a half today. She slept very poorly from birth to two years old. She had eczema as an infant, so I had to follow a strict diet as a nursing mother, while I started working a little three months after giving birth. When Eliška was five months old, I already performed a physically demanding performance where I dance on a pole.

I renovated the apartment, filmed Ordinaci, dubbing… Then covid hit me, which is known for finding the most fragile place in a person. It turned out that I had reached rock bottom, physically and mentally.

Is it possible that the coronavirus pandemic could play a role in this as well? I mean lockdown.

I didn’t really feel the pandemic as such very intensely. Eliška was only two years old, she had not yet gone to kindergarten. It didn’t fundamentally change our lives. Of course, I lost the opportunity to work and contact with my colleagues, but I went with my daughter to my parents’ cottage, where we stayed for over a month, and it was actually a nice vacation. So I don’t think the lockdown contributed to my troubles.

Nevertheless, existential uncertainty was also related to it, and this could also be an important factor.

It was of course a difficult time for us artists because we lost our jobs, but paradoxically, during the pandemic, a lot of my colleagues realized that they are still living under stress as freelancers. Because of the constant uncertainty, they are afraid to turn down too many offers and then it is too much for them. So some of us decided at that time that we needed to re-evaluate and re-organize our lives a bit in order to have a good life.

You mentioned that the attacks had a big impact on your life. In what situations did they appear?

They only came at night, during sleep or just before falling asleep. I have been strongly attached to my body since I was a child. I am very sensitive to him. Lately, panic has been triggered mainly depending on the state of my physical box. At the same time, the impulse can be very small.

For more than a year, I limited my social life, acting in the theater, some dubbing. It was truly the most challenging period of my life.

What helped you get it under control?

It taught me to take extremely good care of myself. In addition to psychotherapy, I used all possible tools available, such as Chinese medicine, spas, a regular regimen, being in nature, sleep, massages, but also a healer. I was supported a lot by my family, for whom it must have been quite difficult, my parents and my sister, who was and is my strong point.

The moment an attack comes, I don’t need special attention at all, I just need to be somewhere where I feel safe, I can lie down somewhere quietly, relax and let the attack go away.

It occurs to me that this great sensitivity to one’s own body may be an innate disposition. Your mother was a ballerina at the National Theatre.

I think we are all born with a certain sensitivity, we just don’t cultivate it. We don’t pay attention to her. Perception equals sensitivity, and sensitivity is often considered a weakness.

But it will probably be as you say, because over the years I’m even more sensitive to my body, and if I hadn’t devoted myself to acting in my life, I would probably have chosen dancing. Ever since I was a child, he fulfilled me the most. For me, it is the most natural form of expression that makes me feel happy.

So why didn’t you go in that direction?

I went to the ballet training of the National Theatre, from where it was then possible to continue to some of the dance conservatories. At the age of twelve, I did not deal with any other option than classical ballet. I didn’t take into account that I could devote myself to, for example, contemporary dance.

I just knew that I didn’t want to go on a disability pension in my thirties like my mother. But at the same time, I saw in ballet lessons that I was not suited to a career as a prima ballerina. I didn’t have the physical disposition for it. High instep, very flexible hips, long arms, strong legs… Some girls had all that. I do not.

In addition, I didn’t want to work myself to the point of exhaustion until the age of eighteen, only to start my professional life from the beginning after about fifteen years of dancing. A ballet career is usually short, the body does not last.

So you decided on acting and forgot about dancing?

Not quite. When I graduated from the Prague Conservatory, I thought for a while about going to America to study music. I wanted to find something where I would make a lot of use of dance, and for that I would hone acting and singing. I finally changed my mind. I realized that I wasn’t really attracted to musicals, and that what attracted me the most was the dancing.

Instead, you started acting and finally decided to study production at DAMU.

I came to it intuitively towards the end of my studies at the conservatory. I organized my first event when I was seventeen just because I was bored in Pilsen, where I was on a three-week English course.

After two or three years as a freelancer, when I played and at the same time organized various sports and cultural events, I thought that studying production at DAMU would be quite a logical path. But if I learned something at that school, it was that academia is definitely not for me. For the sake of my teachers, I settled for a bachelor’s degree, and I even had to promise to the statesmen that I would not continue. (Laughs)

You probably already worked while studying, didn’t you? So you had it a little harder.

The truth is that I was the oldest in my year, I was already twenty-three when I entered freshman year. The studies were full-time and I was already supporting myself at that time. I played in about two shows, I did a lot of dubbing and already during my first year at DAMU I started producing various events not only as part of school practice.

From the second year, I started co-organizing the independent fashion festival Code Mode, which was attended by thousands of people. For me, it was an absolutely fundamental experience that introduced me to the environment in which I still move today, even though the festival has already disappeared.

How was your acting career during that time? You started as a freelancer, from the conservatory you also traveled with the company Háta…

Then came the engagement in Prague’s Komedie Theater, it was an intense three years as an actor before the company ended in the theater. At that time, I did production only exceptionally, and after one bad experience where the agreement did not match reality, I said goodbye to it completely.

I felt that the time had come to finally choose one of the seven chairs I was sitting on. I realized that if I didn’t try to make a living from acting alone, I would never know how it would go.

And it turned out to be a good way, and I’m very happy for that. I have the production, figuratively speaking, just displayed on the shelf at home.

You are currently starring in the series Golden Swan, which will probably be a long-term project. Viewers of Nova also know you from the TV series Ordinace v rozá žádrane, where you played such a battered girl, sister Lada. But there you appeared and returned in various ways, whereas you will probably have a longer-term role in Zlatá labuti.

Lada was even more battered at first, but over time she evened out a bit. I’ve been at Ordinac for eight years with some minor breaks, and in recent years I’ve mainly served records there. When I went to the Golden Swan casting, it occurred to me that I might be suitable as a saleswoman and serve something again. (Laughs) I had no idea at that moment that it would be such a big series.

You were given the role of head saleswoman in a department store, so that connected you quite nicely to the fashion you love. Have you ever wondered about its history? And how do you feel about the fashion of the 1930s, when the series takes place?

Personally, I am certainly closer to the current one. And when it comes to the series, paradoxically, fashion actually passes me by, because so far I only play in my work uniform. My guy in the dressing room looks very modest next to some of the other colleagues. For example, Mrs. Kolářová has luxurious fluffy fur coats there, and three skinny hangers are hanging there for me. (Laughs)

Maybe it will get better with time…

Maybe so, because my line should start to take off gradually. But I just had to have a new uniform made, because the original wool blend fabric was very uncomfortable for me.

A lot of period models play in the series. I find it absolutely incredible how many original wonderful pieces costume designer Míša Horáčková has in her collections.

I also know that you like to travel. A few years ago you bought a van and had a residential extension made into it. Do you still have it?

Of course, and I even have such a special dream, which is a converted Mercedes Unimog tractor, with which it is possible to travel the world. But it’s really just a dream.

What brought you to the idea?

When Eliška was born, I sat at home on the couch and decided that I would need a car. So now I have a house on four wheels. Everything goes with him. Except for parking in the center.

I saw interesting built-ins some time ago at the Designblok festival.

Me too, but I’d have to save up for those first. I invented my own custom built-in. The van is long, the space inside is large, so I came up with a longitudinal version of the built-in, so that I would not lose the entire width of the trunk and be able to park a stroller next to it. No folding, just drive in and brake. As a mother, you just want that.

What is the longest trip you have planned in the near future?

As long as Eliška is little, we only travel around the Czech Republic. When you want to get somewhere further, you usually need to drive overnight, and during the day you have an active child in the car, so stops are needed and you don’t cover too long a distance. So I don’t. For one adult and a small child, a longer trip is very demanding, and I couldn’t quite afford it, even considering my health. This year, however, I have a month off and I hope we can get somewhere further.