A column by Nils Pickert
Body positivity doesn’t seem to be a particularly important topic for men. And if it does, then it will be discussed by queer men who have dealt intensively with their bodies. But within cis heterosexual normativity, it’s still about making yourself as crass as possible. Visible muscles, a complete hairline and a penis that is preferably the size of a forearm.
The fact that women rarely or never say things like “Hey, your lateral muscle head is a bit too undefined for me, do something about it!” or “If your cock is less than 20 cm long, you don’t have to climb into my bed!” doesn’t matter . We’re already making this film ourselves.
As a reminder, we live in a world where men swallow pills to supposedly or actually increase the amount of their sperm in sexual contexts.
As if any woman in the course of human history had ever said: “The sperm you sprayed on my breasts during sex was really not enough for me. I found it unpleasant.”
As I said, men are masters at putting pressure on themselves with demands that they simply assume are in line with women’s expectations. To avoid misunderstandings: Of course, there are women who make demands and even invasive demands on men and react with disappointment and devaluation when they are not met. Hashtag smalldickenergy. Hashtag sissy. In fact, women’s expectations of men’s bodies are often quite based on reality. What the majority of them want from their sexual partner in terms of penis size is not about 10 centimeters above the average penis, but pretty close.
And when buying sex toys, most women also choose one Dildo between 16 and 17 cm longinstead of a giant device that is over 20 cm tall. If you then subtract the length of material that is needed to be able to hold and insert the dildo properly, you end up just above the average penis length. The men often do, by the way assess it higher than it is.
So men often try to act out in an assumed need or are worried. It would be much more important that they accept themselves. Otherwise, phenomena such as the gap between men’s perceived attractiveness of muscles and the actually perceived by women increasingly powerful. The problem Muscle dysmorphia is affecting more and more young menwho think they have to go pumping instead of choosing a sport that is fun and good for them.
If the whole body is perceived as a problem area, then the chest circumference is never big enough – no matter how much you lift and how often in the gym. Filtered Instabilders from Fitfluencers do the rest. Self-proclaimed alphas who take the money out of the skinnier betas while the rest of the men marvel at what a circus is going on… and then move on with a shrug.
I have identified myself in this group so far. Middle-aged, medium-sized, medium-fit and average-sized. My goodness, what a comfortable starting point. Rarely wanting more than you have and living in the experienced certainty that in most cases it is enough. But that’s not enough. It’s not enough to stay out of the debate and “not take part in all this nonsense”. It’s actually time for a men’s body positivity revolution – but hardly anyone is taking part because most people are busy seeing themselves as winners, losers or bystanders. Except there are no bystanders. We all have bodies.
A small revolution has already begun. The YouTube channel Baldcafe for example, tries to encourage men to deal with and embrace their hair loss instead of spending money on overpriced, useless products. He regularly publishes clips in which men can be seen who, after years and sometimes decades of suffering, decide to finally treat their appearance more lovingly and accept it.
In the comments you read sentences like “I would trade every hair on my head for a friend who is as supportive as that guy’s friend in the clip.” Baldcafe does not shy away from naming those who benefit from the uncertainty and suffering of these men.
So I should add at this point: I have an above-average amount of hair on my head for my age. I’m not just uninvolved here, I’m actually on the winning side. But if I, if we men, carry on suffering, triumphing or apathy, we have all lost – no matter how superior we think we are and how great we act. So we need many beginnings for the revolution. I also have one:
I have stretch marks. Did you know that this is also a thing for men? Mostly on the thighs and back. If not, no wonder. Especially if you’re a man. The fact that men also get stretch marks goes so under the radar that there are exactly zero entries about it in Men’s Health magazine.
But there is a (pretty good) one at that Brigitte magazine. Typical again: When it comes to body positivity, women are far ahead of men. By that I don’t mean this irrelevant sausageiness. We men can do it anyway. I mean assume.
So accept. I’ve been wearing mine on my inner thigh since puberty. Some have a slightly bluish shimmer and are in places as thick as my little finger. As a young man, I only dared to go to the swimming pool and the beach in long swimming trunks. Now I think it’s ok. Even in short swimming trunks or naked. They’re just growth stripes.
Growth sounds good.
When we talk about women and men, we are referring to structural social roles that affect people who are read as female and male. The same applies to the adjectives “feminine” and “male”. Unfortunately, the statistics and studies we cite often only differentiate between women and men.
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* Building on the article’s discussion of men’s vulnerability, how can we create spaces where men feel safe to express their insecurities and seek support around body image issues?
## Open-Ended Questions for Discussion:
This article raises several interesting points about men’s body image and societal pressure. Here are some open-ended questions to encourage discussion and explore different viewpoints:
**On Men’s Perceptions and Societal Pressure:**
* **The author argues that men often put pressure on themselves based on perceived female expectations. Do you agree with this? What evidence supports or contradicts this claim?**
* **The article mentions “Alpha” culture and its impact on men’s self-image. How prevalent do you think this culture is, and what are its potential consequences?**
* **What role do social media and influencers play in shaping men’s perceptions of their bodies? How can we promote healthier and more diverse representations of masculinity online?**
**On Body Positivity and Acceptance:**
* **The article advocates for a men’s body positivity revolution. What would this look like in practise? What steps can individuals and society take to achieve this?**
* **The author shares their personal experience with stretch marks. How can we encourage men to be more open and accepting of their bodies, regardless of perceived imperfections?**
* **What are some specific challenges men face when it comes to expressing vulnerability and seeking support regarding body image issues?**
**On Comparing Men’s and Women’s Experiences:**
* **The author notes that women are often “far ahead” of men when it comes to body positivity. Do you agree with this assessment? What factors might contribute to this difference?**
* **How can we learn from the advancements in women’s body positivity movements to empower men and create a more inclusive conversation around body image?**
**On Addressing the Root Causes:**
* **The article mentions “Muscle Dysmorphia.” How can we address the underlying societal pressures and cultural norms that contribute to this condition?**
* **What role can education, healthcare professionals, and mental health services play in helping men develop healthier body image and self-esteem?**
**On Moving Forward:**
* **What are some practical solutions or initiatives that can promote a more positive and accepting environment for men’s body image?**
* **How can individuals challenge harmful stereotypes and contribute to a more inclusive conversation around masculinity and body image?**
By encouraging open and honest discussion around these questions, we can contribute to a more nuanced and understanding dialog about men’s body image and the societal pressures they face.
