“After showing my husband the door, I called my best friend in total panic. I could hardly comprehend what had happened and had to tell someone. A few days earlier, the analysis of a routine Pap test had shown that I had an STI. I, an STI!? How? I had been married for 25 years and had never slept with anyone else. So it seemed impossible to me. The doctor assured me that it was true and carefully tested me to explain that it may have come from my husband.
Sex with men
I didn’t want to believe it, but when I got home I asked him if he knew more about it. As if it didn’t matter to him, he just dropped a bombshell: he had been having regular sexual contact with men for years. I stared at him in bewilderment and disbelief. Then my head got light and I collapsed. I don’t know how much later I came to, but I was lying on the couch and it took me a while to realize why. My husband, who had so betrayed me, sat next to me. I couldn’t look at him. As if it wasn’t bad enough, he said he needed those contacts and wasn’t about to stop. I could barely speak, and so we lived silently past each other for a few days.
A lie
At night I lay worrying for hours and during the day I walked through the house like a zombie. What was I supposed to do? What did I want? How could I never have noticed? My head overflowed. After a day or three I was out. Everything I knew up to that point turned out to be a lie and my trust was too damaged to ever be able to interact normally with my husband again. I told him I wanted a divorce. He immediately accepted that, left for a friend and I called that friend. Although I was sure I had made the right choice, I was still very confused. Ten minutes later she was at the door. Thanks to her support, I am now calmer and clearer in my head. I have to build a new life without my husband. It’s good to know I have friends to help me through. That is worth much more than a marriage of secrets.”
Interview: Esther Pordon. Beeld: iStock
11 augustus 2023
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2023-08-11 11:15:00
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